Hot Florida Summers
by Meee
Summary: Jack Sparrow is supposed to be sailing in the Caribbean. Then why is he in Jennifer's living room? This story has turned into a LOTRPOTC crossover. Ch. 13!
1. Shave and a Haircut

A/N: Yes, I know. It's been done before. And by god, it'll be done again. Specifically, right now, by me. But, unlike some, I have at least a few writing skills. Hopefully it won't be too bad. Just bear with me here. In this fic, there is NO movie. This will NOT be a Jack/OC. I promise. Seriously.  
  
If anyone can tell me how to do italics, I would be much appreciative. Until I learn, I'll use [ and ] for thoughts. Got it? Good.  
  
Disclaimer: *snort* Yeah, right.  
  
****  
  
It was a hot summer afternoon in Tampa when Jennifer finished mowing the lawn. Her parents were out of town for two weeks, traveling through Europe. That left just her and her 20 year old brother David home, alone.  
  
The only problem with the two of them being there was the fact that David was exceptionally lazy. Now, on its own, that wouldn't be a problem. But add in that he was more than a foot taller and three years older than Jennifer and it was one.  
  
So that was why Jennifer was mowing the lawn. She put up the heavy mower and looked down at herself. Her arms were covered in a thin layer of dirt particles mixed with sweat, and her hands were rubbed raw from the vibrating of the motor. She sighed and entered the house.  
  
David was sitting at the computer, playing X-Wing.  
  
"I'm done, asshole," she called, getting a glass of water. He grunted from the computer chair. She rolled her eyes and entered the living room. "When are you gonna do those dishes?"  
  
"That's your job," he replied, never taking his eyes off the screen.  
  
"That's bull and you know it. It's your turn," She countered, flipping on the TV set. He sighed dramatically.  
  
"Fine. I'll do it later."  
  
After channel surfing for a while, Jennifer decided there was absolutely nothing on. "I'm gonna go take a shower."  
  
David had since switched to another game. He swiveled the chair around and smirked. "Thank god. You're stinking up the whole house."  
  
As Jennifer walked into the bathroom, she coolly raised her middle finger and closed the door to her brother's laughter.  
  
**  
  
Jennifer had just finished her dinner and was putting her plate in the sink when she heard a loud thud coming from the living room. David had gone into his room and closed the door half an hour before, and there wasn't supposed to be anyone else in the house. She could feel her heart stop in her chest.  
  
She grabbed a frying pan off of the wall and crept into the other room. Jennifer gulped, then jumped through the doorway. What she saw completely shocked her.  
  
Standing in the middle of her living room was a man, dressed in very strange clothes and looking very confused. But the most distressing part was the fact that he was brandishing a very large sword. Jennifer squeaked and dropped her pan.  
  
The man whipped around and pointed his sword at her nose. "Who are yeh, lass? Where am I?" He said. His voice was gruff, and scared the 17 year old.  
  
"T-Tampa. I'm J-Jennifer. Who are you?"  
  
He raised an eyebrow. "Captain Jack Sparrow. 'ow did I get 'ere?" He asked, sheathing he sword. She let out her breath, realizing that she had been holding it the entire time.  
  
"I have absolutely no idea," she replied truthfully. [Go get David, stupid. He'll know what to do.] "Stay here for just a minute, alright?"  
  
He just grunted, already observing his surroundings. Jennifer noticed that he was staring at a silver candlestick a little too long for her liking, and snatched it off the mantle. She ran into her big brother's room, almost knocking down the door in her hurry.  
  
David had been sitting on his bed listening to his head phones and reading a book. Jennifer pulled them off and started talking very quickly.  
  
"Oh-my-god-David-there's-this-guy-in-the-living-room-and-he-looks-like-a- pirate-from-Gasparilla-and-I-don't-know-how-he-got-here," she said, all on one very large breath.  
  
"What? Say that again, but pause between your words this time," he replied, brows furrowed. Jennifer took a few large breaths and repeated what she said slower.  
  
"You're not funny, Jen. What's going on?" He said, crossing his arms. She heaved a big sigh.  
  
"I'm not laughing, David. I'm serious. Come on." She grabbed his arm and yanked him off the bed and into the living room. Sparrow was sitting on the couch, examining the remote control and pressing random buttons. David saw him and his jaw hit the floor.  
  
"Ah, another one? What be your name then, lad?" Sparrow said, dropping the remote and getting up.  
  
"David. What are you doing in my house?"  
  
Sparrow shrugged. "Was 'bout to ask yeh the same thing." Jennifer was standing next to David, biting her nails and thinking very quickly. [This guy could not possibly be a real pirate. But then how did he get in?]  
  
[We can figure that out later. What are we going to do now?] She thought. Suddenly an idea popped into her head.  
  
"Uh, well, Captain, I suppose you'll just have to stay here until we can figure out how to get you back," Jennifer said. David looked at her and raised an eyebrow. The pirate shrugged.  
  
"I will need the be gettin' back soon, o' course."  
  
"Well, yeah. But until then, I mean." She smiled what she hoped was an inviting grin. Sparrow smirked, showing several gold teeth.  
  
David smiled fakely at him and turned to his sister. "Can I speak to you for a minute?" He grabbed her arm and pulled her into his bedroom.  
  
"What the hell are you thinking?" he asked, his brow furrowed. She shrugged.  
  
"What else are we going to do? We can't just send him out into the streets. Especially not looking like that," she countered.  
  
"Well, we could always get him more clothes, and cut his hair," David replied, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. And it really was.  
  
"Forgive me for trying to be a helpful person. You can be the one to throw him out then."  
  
David huffed and crossed his arms over his chest. "Fine. He can stay. But he can't walk around like that. And he has to be gone before mom and dad get back."  
  
"No shit, sherlock," Jennifer replied. He stuck out his tongue and she rolled her eyes. "Oh, grow up." She walked out and sat next to Sparrow, who had resumed pressing buttons on the remote.  
  
"Ok, Captain, here's the deal. You can stay, until our parents get back. But you can't be walking around with dreads in your hair," she waved to his beaded hair, "and that little goatee thing."  
  
"You want me to cut my hair?" He said, raising an eyebrow.  
  
"Basically, yes. And you have to change clothes too. People don't dress like that."  
  
"Says who?" He asked, lying back on the couch. He was obviously surprised by the way he sunk in.  
  
"Says me. Let's go, into the bathroom with you," she grabbed his wrist and pulled him towards the stairs. She led him up to the bathroom and sat him on the toilet seat. When Jennifer opened the cabinet, he was shocked to see the light come on.  
  
"How'd yeh do that?" He asked, standing up very quickly. She pushed on his shoulders and he plopped down on the seat again.  
  
"Magic," she said, talking the scissors out. His eyes shot wide and an audible gulp was heard. [Did he think I was serious?] Jennifer asked herself.  
  
"Take off your hat and bandana," she commanded. He glared before slowly removing his tri-corner. He peeled his bandana off and Jennifer was surprised to see the number of knots that had developed since he had last cut his hair.  
  
"Do you ever take that thing off?" She asked in disbelief.  
  
"Maybe," was all he said. She sighed and brought the scissors toward his head. He grabbed her wrist before it touched his precious locks.  
  
"What exactly is it you'll be doin', lass?" He eyed the shears carefully.  
  
"Cutting this crap off. You can't be here and still have it. Do you want to stay or not? Now let me go." Sparrow glared for a few seconds before letting her go. "Thank you."  
  
He clenched his eyes shut as she began to snip away. Long strands of matted hair started falling quickly. But other than a short second where Jennifer screamed, ("Is that a cockroach?!?!?!?"), which turned out to be nothing but a leaf, the haircut went rather smoothly.  
  
When she was finished, Jennifer stepped back to admire her work. "Nice. All that's left now is the beard. DAVID!" She called. Her brother walked in, and was rather taken aback at the man standing in front of him.  
  
"What?"  
  
Jennifer waved her hand at the pirate. "Show him how to shave."  
  
With that, she left her annoyed brother and confused pirate standing together in the bathroom.  
  
**  
  
About twenty mintues later, The two men came out of the bathroom. Jennifer was sitting on the couch, flipping channels once again, and eating a large bowl of Ben & Jerry's Phish Food ice cream. Well, ok, the whole pint.  
  
"Ahem," David said. Jennifer turned her attention to the steps, where a completely new man was standing, observing his different look.  
  
Sparrow was dressed in a loose blue polo shirt and baggy jeans. It was strange seeing him in a short sleeved-shirt. The cut on his regular clothes caused a strange tan line. His hands were tan, but his arms were much lighter.  
  
He was also clean shaven, and his hair was combed. But when he looked up, smiling wildly, Jennifer dropped her ice cream. Standing there, staring her full in the face, was a carbon copy of Jennifer's favorite actor. Johnny Depp.  
  
"Oh, shit."  
  
****  
  
A/N: Huh? Huh? You like? I've noticed for stories like this people don't deal with the fact that Sparrow would be walking around looking like either a)A pirate, or b) Johnny Depp. So I've decided to address that problem. Which will be in the next chapter, if you read it. And don't forget to review. 


	2. Movies

A/N: You people seem incredibly shocked that I cut his hair. What was Jennifer supposed to do, let him walk around with dreadlocks down past his shoulders? Sorry if you didn't like that part. And I couldn't really tell if you guys were liking the story, cuz you spent the entire review obsessing about his hair.  
  
Except Platy and Abbie. I thank you. It makes me feel awesome to here from you, Platy, that it was funny, considering you're hilarious yourself. And Abbie, I can't believe you put me on your fav. Authors list!! THANK YOU!!!!  
  
Thanks for your reviews. Again. :-)  
  
***  
  
"What do yeh mean, 'shit'? I think I look quite nice," Sparrow said, raising an eyebrow. "Though I'm still not sure 'bout this hair...."  
  
Meanwhile, Jennifer sat back down and put her head in her hands. "Dammit, shit, hell, crap...." As a steady stream of curses flowed from her mouth, David crossed the room and sat next to his sister.  
  
"What are we going to do, David?" She said. Her brother, being his infinitely helpful self, shrugged and picked the ice cream up.  
  
Sparrow spoke up, raising a finger. "What exactly is the matter, then? I mean, yeh had me cut my hair, shave, then yeh say it's no good?"  
  
Jennifer looked up and sighed. [How are you gonna last with an exact copy of your favorite actor in your house for god knows how long?]  
  
"Follow me." She mounted the steps and made her way up to her room. She looked back to see the pirate following. His head level made it seem like he was staring right at her butt... "Stop that." He just smirked and kept walking.  
  
Jennifer entered her room and flipped on the light switch. An audible gasp was heard coming from Sparrow. "Wha-how-you?" He stammered.  
  
She rolled her eyes. "Magic." They entered the room and she pointed at a large movie poster of 'What's Eating Gilbert Grape', then to a 'Chocolat' poster, and after that to a 'Sleepy Hollow' one.  
  
"Bloody hell!" He said, running up to the 'Chocolat' one. "That's me!"  
  
Jennifer flopped on her bed. "No. That's Johnny Depp."  
  
Sparrow raised a curious eyebrow. "Johnny Depp? Handsome devil, isn't 'e?" He said, smirking. David laughed, but Jennifer just sat up and massaged her temples.  
  
"So, what does 'e do?" Sparrow asked, sitting next to the girl. He slid an arm around her shoulder and she could smell rum on his breath.  
  
"Ew, no," she said, pushing his arm off and scooting away. He stared for a moment, then shrugged. "He's an actor. An extremely good one, actually."  
  
"Let's have an example, shall we?" David spoke up. He crossed the room and stood in front of Jennifer's shelf, considering the options. Almost the whole thing was filled with movies starring Johnny Depp. After stroking his chin, he pulled out 'What's Eating Gilbert Grape'. He popped it in her VCR and turned on the TV.  
  
"Whoa! Is this more of your magic?" Sparrow said, seeing the images moving across the screen. Jennifer nodded and grabbed the VCR remote. She pressed play and fast forwarded to the first part with Depp in it.  
  
"Who's tha'?" Sparrow asked, pointing to another character.  
  
"That's Leonardo Dicaprio. He plays Arnie," Jennifer answered. Sparrow moved closer to the screen and was staring intently. His face was screwed up with concentration. After about 5 minutes, he spoke again.  
  
"What the 'ell is wrong with 'im? Looks like 'e's got cabin fever."  
  
Jennifer sighed heavily. "He does NOT have cabin fever. Dicaprio is an actor too. His character is retarded." She raised the remote and stopped the tape.  
  
"HEY! I was watchin' tha'!" Sparrow yelled. Jennifer's mouth dropped upon, but then she shrugged and flipped it back on. The pirate winked at her and turned his face back to the screen.  
  
****  
  
As the end credits rolled, David let out a long snore from the chair he was sitting in. Sparrow laughed, but quieted down when Jennifer stirred next to him. He smiled, all his teeth showing.  
  
"Now to explore."  
  
He dashed out of the room and flew down the steps. Almost immediately he started going through their things. Shuffling drawers, going through pantries, handling cutlery(he especially liked that part). He had taken out a particularly long knife and was sword fighting the air with it when the large antique hall clock chimed 12. Sparrow clutched his heart and almost dropped the knife.  
  
Exiting the kitchen, he went down the hall and found the source of the noise. But before he could thrust the knife through the clock's face, an arm reached out of the darkness and grabbed his.  
  
"Don't do that," a man said from behind him. Sparrow turned around and looked up to see the scowling face of David, with Jennifer looking very cross behind him.  
  
"Oh, hello there. Love yer clock, very nice," Sparrow said, smiling. Jennifer sighed and flipped on the light switch, temporarily blinding the captain.  
  
[He may look like Depp, but I bet if he was stuck in this house, he wouldn't act like this guy,] Jennifer thought. Sparrow seemed to have a completely different personality. He kind of reminded her of Keith Richards, from the Rolling Stones. Strange.  
  
Back to the story.  
  
"Follow me, Sparrow," Jennifer said, turning around and walking to the living room. She sat down and pointed to the seat next to her. The pirate crossed the room and sat timidly down on the seat.  
  
"If you are going to stay here, you can't go through our stuff. We won't hesitate to kick you out," David said from the doorway. Sparrow grinned. His gold teeth, which fit in perfectly when he was in pirate grab, stood out and made his smile look funny.  
  
"Right. Never again."  
  
Jennifer shook her head. "Why didn't you wake us after the movie was over?" The man facing her shrugged, causing her to sigh.  
  
"Speaking of sleep, I'm dead tired. All for getting some shut eye?" David said from his post by the door. The siblings raised their hands, and, after a glare from Jennifer, Sparrow did as well. "Great. Now, where can you sleep...." He started looking around the room, and his sister saw his eyes rest on the linen closet. She rolled her eyes.  
  
"He can sleep in the guest room. C'mon, Jack," Jennifer said, standing up from her seat and beckoning to the stairs. Again they climbed, but this time the pirate was walking in front. She pointed to the guest room, turned on the light ("Yes, that was magic."), and entered her own room.  
  
When Sparrow went in his room, he had no idea what to do. Normally, if he was in a room with a nice bed and clean sheets, he was stumbling in, completely plastered, with a whore on his arm. Walking in, completely sober and alone was a very new experience.  
  
He kind of wandered around the room aimlessly for a minute or two until Jennifer reappeared in the doorway holding a pile of clothes. His mouth dropped open, seeing her 'outfit'. She was wearing a pair of boxer shorts, her long legs almost completely exposed, and a dark blue tank top.  
  
"Jack?" She said. He grunted in response, jaw still hanging down. "Close your mouth."  
  
He clamped it tight, gulping. "Are those me clothes, then, lass?" She nodded and tossed them over. He caught the pile and winked. "Thank yeh kindly."  
  
"Pleasure's all mine. Goodnight," Jennifer answered. She sauntered out and closed the door. As he followed her swaying behind out, he said one thing.  
  
"Aye."  
  
****  
  
There's you chapter for you. Hope I got Sparrow's character correct, I was trying to. Don't forget to review and tell me so!! 


	3. And another thing

A/N: Here's the next chapter for you. I know you want them to end up together, Abbie, but that's just not how I want the story to go. I hope you'll still read it, though. Thanks for the reviews. :-)  
  
***  
  
It was 11:30 when a shirtless Jack Sparrow was awakened by large, fluffy pillows raining down on his head. He sat up quickly and reached deep underneath his pillow, searching for his gun. Then he remembered where he was.  
  
"ARRRRG!!" He yelled, swinging his arms wildly around his head. The pillows stopped abruptly. They were lowered to show a smiling Jennifer.  
  
"Rise and shine," she said, grinning wickedly. Sparrow glared and gritted his teeth.  
  
"Thanks for the wake-up call, lass." He threw off the sheets and grabbed a shirt from the nightstand. The girl just smiled even more brightly.  
  
"That's the traditional wake-up in the Jackson household. You only get it once, don't worry." She flung the pillow across the room onto a chair and sat on the edge of the bed, swinging her legs over. Sparrow couldn't help but notice the way they seemed to go on forever. "Hurry up and get dressed. David is leaving soon, and you have to help me run errands."  
  
Sparrow grumbled in response and Jennifer sighed. "I'll be back in 20 minutes. If you aren't dressed, then, well, then you're pitiful." She walked out.  
  
He put on his clothes (jean shorts and a t-shirt), muttering and growling about wake up calls and pillows. And, just like she said, Jennifer entered the room 20 minutes later. She had also changed into a pair of khaki shorts, black thong sandals, and a black spaghetti strap top with a duck on it.  
  
"There's a duck on yer shirt, luv," he stated. She rolled her eyes.  
  
"Thank you, Captain Obvious."  
  
"That's Captain Sparrow," he corrected. She sighed and asked if he was ready to go yet. He nodded and followed her out of the room. Before they had gotten very far, however, the girl slapped her forehead and turned around.  
  
"You don't have any shoes. Stay right here," she said. He was about to point out that he DID have shoes, his boots. Before he could, she was back, holding a pair of flip-flops. "Put these on."  
  
He obeyed and was surprised at the amount of air that was reaching his feet. "You call these shoes?"  
  
She shrugged. "They're all you need during the summer down here. Let's go." The pair made their way down the stairs and out to the garage. Jennifer flicked on the light switch ("Don't even say it, Jack,") and unlocked her car, a red Rav 4. "Well, get in," she said when he just stood outside of his door. He cautiously pulled on the handle and seemed shocked at how easily it opened.  
  
"Hurry up! We have things to do." He sat down on the seat, closed the door, and relaxed a bit. She turned on the car and the radio came blasting on. After Jennifer had turned it down, she turned to see Sparrow plastered to the back of his seat, staring at the radio.  
  
"What the bloody 'ell was tha'?" He yelled, turning wide-eyed to the girl, who was grinning wildly.  
  
"Sorry. Lost control of my magic for a minute," she replied, effectively scaring him witless. "Oh! I almost forgot," she said, and reached into the backseat. She retrieved a red Tampa Bay Bucs cap and shoved it into his hands.  
  
"What am I supposed teh do with this, then?" He asked, puzzled. She instructed him to put it on his head and pull it down over his eyes.  
  
"Understand this, Jack. You look like a famous celebrity. And it would be bad for you, me, and him if people thought it was him running around Tampa. So put that on, and don't take it off until I say you can. Got it?"  
  
"Got it, luv."  
  
She raised an eyebrow. "And another thing. Don't call me love anymore. Or lass. My name is Jennifer." He nodded, and she pressed the button to open the garage door. Sparrow turned around and stared wide-eyed out the back window. "And another thing. Quit acting surprised at everything. Don't draw attention to yourself."  
  
She pulled the car out and drove down the street. After a few moments, she opened her mouth again. "And another thing-"  
  
Sparrow cut her off by placing his hand over her mouth. "I've got it, mate." She narrowed her eyes, observing him for a minute, until a loud horn snapped her out of her reverie. She had to swerve out of the way of a large yellow Hummer coming straight for them.  
  
"Nice," Sparrow said, grinning. He noticed the gray strap running across Jennifer's chest, and looked around his seat for one matching it. He found it, and quickly buckled the seat belt.  
  
****  
  
The rest of the ride passed by uneventfully. Sparrow was too busy observing his new surroundings to talk. Jennifer pulled into the parking lot of Publix, the grocery store, 10 minutes after they left. "C'mon, Jack."  
  
He followed her out of the car and into the store. When the doors opened by themselves, he was tempted to cry out, but held himself back after a glare from his hostess. They walked in and she grabbed a cart. "Let's see, what do we need...' she trailed off, taking a list out of her purse. He peered over her shoulder, trying to read the list, but her terrible handwriting prevented that.  
  
"Right. First thing is milk. This way." Jennifer turned the cart around and started down the aisle. Sparrow started following her, but was completely distracted by the Bakery and it's wonderful smells.  
  
"Wait a minute, mate," he called, staring at the vast array of baked goods. She smirked and came back.  
  
"Oo! They have Yo-yos....want one, Jack?" She asked, staring at a particularly tasty looking cookie. It was two chocolate chip cookies with frosting in the center of them, and one end was dipped in chocolate. He nodded without looking at her, his mouth watering. She called someone over and got two of the treats. "Thank you very much."  
  
Jack took the box and was about to open it when Jennifer said, "What do you think you are doing?"  
  
"Uh, opening the box. Savvy?" He smiled, and returned to his task. She yanked the box out of his hands before he succeeded.  
  
"I have to pay for it first!"  
  
"What? Pay? I don't pay for things," Sparrow explained. A few people the were nearby heard this and turned around, staring at the fighting pair. Jennifer glared and grabbed his arm, pulling him to the side of the store.  
  
"Be quiet, will you? You're making a scene. You can't steal these. You could be arrested."  
  
"I've been arrested before, and I got out every time. Don't worry 'bout it, mate." He smiled and started to walk away. She pulled him back and slapped him across the face.  
  
"Ow."  
  
"Listen to me. Remember how I told you to listen to me?" Se asked, brows furrowed.  
  
He shook his head. "No."  
  
"Well, whatever. Listen to me. You can't do this. Trust me." He stared at her for a long while, and finally sighed.  
  
"Fine. Let's jus' finish then." She nodded and they made their way back into the store.  
  
***  
  
The rest of the shopping trip went well, though Jennifer ended up having to come up with a very quick lie when their cashier recognized Sparrow's face.  
  
"Are you who I think you are?" the young girl asked. Jennifer's eyes went wide. "Are you....Johnny Depp?" She said, getting more and more excited.  
  
"Johnny Depp? No. He lives in France. You must be mistaken," Jennifer said, getting out her parent's debit card.  
  
"Excuse me, I think Mr. Depp can speak for himself," the girl replied, rather rudely. "So, I have to tell you that I just love your work, Johnny, and I have to say you're like sooo hot and--"  
  
Sparrow cut her off. "'Scuse me, miss, but yer confused. I'm not this Depp fellow. My name is Jack, Jack Sparrow," he said. This convinced her, as Sparrow had a different, more gruff voice than Depp. Not to mention his had an English accent.  
  
The girl's face dropped. "Oh. Sorry, my mistake." He face turned red and she looked down, embarrassed.  
  
"But thank yeh fer the comment, yer not so bad yerself," he grinned. She giggled and Jennifer rolled her eyes. The cashier finished ringing them up and Jennifer grabbed Sparrow's wrist.  
  
"C'mon, let's go." Sparrow gave her a strange look, but followed. They put the groceries in the car and drove off, shopping done for the day. Jennifer drove home quickly, exceeding the speed limit quite a few times. They pulled into the driveway and unpacked the groceries.  
  
As soon as Jennifer had put up the last can of soup, the doorbell rang. Jennifer's mouth dropped open and she slapped her forehead.  
  
" 'o's that?" Sparrow asked, raising an eyebrow. She sighed and made her way to the door.  
  
"My boyfriend."  
  
***  
  
There ya go. I've noticed I'm doing a lot of product placement in this story. If only I was getting paid.  
  
Which reminds me- I don't own anything. (Consider this my disclaimer) I hope you liked it. Don't forget to review and tell me so. 


	4. Suck it up, Captain

A/N: I'm in a very strange mood right now....I'm super duper sore from having 3, count 'em 3 days in a row of karate class, not to mention school, walking around the mall, and a bomb threat(don't worry, I'm ok). I think my tailbone is bruised too, which sucks ass, cuz that makes it hurt to sit. Owwie....  
  
But, on the other hand, I've gotten my Homecoming dress, which is really nice, and I've gotten some reviews! Well, ok, one. But still, it was very encouraging. Thanks Platy! And I'm very happy with this story. I'm feeling very...uh....well...it's working well, let's say that.  
  
Disclaimer: I own nothing. Absolutely nothing.  
  
**** Previously:  
  
As soon as Jennifer had put up the last can of soup, the doorbell rang. Jennifer's mouth dropped open and she slapped her forehead.  
  
" 'o's that?" Sparrow asked, raising an eyebrow. She sighed and made her way to the door.  
  
"My boyfriend."  
  
****  
  
"Ah, so that's why yeh've turned down all me charms. Yer attached," Sparrow said, nodding knowingly. Jennifer rolled her eyes.  
  
"I've turned down all your charms because you're some dude that just showed up in my house one night, dressed like a pirate, smelling like some sort of strong alchohol-"  
  
"That would be rum," he cut in.  
  
"Whatever, and, unless I'm very mistaken, you are over 18. If I did anything with you that would be illegal, not to mention gross," she finished. Sparrow put his hand over his heart and pulled a sad face.  
  
"Now that hurts." The doorbell rang again, and Jennifer gave an agitated sigh.  
  
"Suck it up, Captain. Now, go back up to your room and don't come out until I say you can," she said, pointing up the stairs.  
  
"What the 'ell am I supposed to do until then? Just sit there?" He asked, starting up the steps. The doorbell had stopped ringing and the man behind it had strated calling for Jennifer and pounding on the door.  
  
"Jen? Jen, are you ok?"  
  
Hold on Rob! I'm not dressed yet!" She called back. He yelled something about that not being a problem, but Jennifer had already started talking to Sparrow.  
  
"I'll come up in a minute and put a movie on for you. But you have to promise to keep it down."  
  
"Yeah, alright, mate," he answered and bounding up the steps to the guest room. Jennifer winced at the noise he was making, but then straighted her clothes out and opened the door.  
  
"Hey babe," Rob said once the door was open. He pulled his hand from behind his back to expose a bouquet of flowers.  
  
"Rob! They're beautiful!" She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him firmly. "I missed you so much."  
  
He handed over the flowers and closed the door behind him. "I missed you too, Jen. But I was only gone for a week."  
  
Jennifer shrugged. "Yeah, well, being here with my parents and David, with no boyfriend to run to," she pecked his lips, "was pure torture." Rob smiled and wrapped his arm around her waist.  
  
"I'm sure it was. Have a seat," He said, pointing to the couch. Jennifer gave him a funny look, but did. But when he didn't sit next to her, she pouted.  
  
"You're not gonna sit with me? That's it, you're not my boyfriend anymore." He laughed and walked behind the couch.  
  
"I want to show you some things I learned during my week in Chicago," he said. Rob started massaging her shoulders, exactly the way a real masseuse would.  
  
"You've got a lot of knots in your muscles, Jen. Stressed out?" he asked, working on a particularly large knot. She heaved a big sigh.  
  
"You have no idea." Rob pulled his hands away and jumped over the edge of the couch. He pulled his girlfriend onto his lap and intertwined his fingers in hers.  
  
"Care to share?" He whispered in her ear.  
  
She sighed. "I can't...David made me promise not to tell," she lied. "Don't worry, it should be settled soon." Jennifer closed her eyes and rested her head against Rob's chest.  
  
"I know what you need, babe."  
  
"What do I need?" She asked, turning to face him.  
  
"You need....a tickle fight!" He yelled and grabbed her ribs. Jennifer burst out laughing and they were soon rolling around on the floor having an all-out tickle war.  
  
***  
  
Meanwhile, the famous Captain Jack Sparrow was staring at the ceiling of the guest room, singing the song Elizabeth had taught him that night on the island.  
  
"Devils and blacksheep and really bad eggs...."  
  
***  
  
After Jennifer and Rob had recovered form their fight and finally stopped laughing, the flopped back down on the couch.  
  
"You were right. I needed that," Jennifer said.  
  
"I know you did. I'm always right," Rob replied, giving her the thousand- watt smile she had always loved about him. She pushed the strands of brown hair out of his eyes and kissed his nose. That was at the exact same time his stomach decided to growl loudly.  
  
The girl snorted and stood up. "Hungry?"  
  
He grabbed her arms, pulling his girlfriend back down. "Only for you."  
  
And thus began a make-out fest. [Use your own imagination here]  
  
***  
  
Back upstairs, Sparrow had started a conversation with himself.  
  
"Why no, I don't 'ave any rum, Captain. Why do yeh ask, yeh scalawag?"  
  
"Well, Jack, I only ask because I seem to be going mad up here, sittin' all by me onesies!" he said to himself, turning his head back and forth as if he were having a real conversation.  
  
"What makes yeh say tha', cheif?"  
  
Sparrow sighed. "Because I'm talkin' to meself."  
  
"It's not like it's the first time, Sparrow."  
  
Sparrow furrowed his brows. "What do yeh mean by that, yeh bloody pirate?"  
  
"You know exactly what I mean. Yeh've lost it!"  
  
"TAKE THAT BACK!" He yelled, pointing a finger at the air.  
  
"Nope," he replied to, um, well, to himself.  
  
"ARG!" Sparrow yelled, and grabbed himself around the neck. He began having a vigorous fight with himself, which ended with him slamming his own head into the wall with a loud thump.  
  
***  
  
Downstairs, Jennifer pulled away quickly when she heard the sound of Sparrow's head hitting the wall.  
  
"What the hell was that?" Rob asked, looking curiously up the stairs.  
  
"Sparrow," she said quietly. Rob raised an eyebrow.  
  
"Sparrow? What's sparrow?"  
  
"What? Oh, nothing. Listen, Rob, I think you should go. David is getting home soon."  
  
"But what was that upstairs?" He asked as she was pushing him toward the door.  
  
"That? Oh that...that was just our new cat, Sparrow. He's crazy. I'd better make sure he's ok."  
  
Rob gave her a funny look, but shrugged. "Bye babe. Call me."  
  
She kissed him and said she would, before closing the door. "What have you done, Jack..."  
  
Jennifer quickly ran up the stairs and opened the guest room door. To her horror, Jack Sparrow was lying motionless on the ground by the bed. She rushed over to him and put his head in her lap.  
  
"Dammit, Jack, wake up." She slapped his face lightly a few times, to no avail. "Oh man, oh man!" He wasn't breathing. She bit her lip and tried to think. Suddenly she remembered that in 9th grade she had gotten CPR lessons.  
  
"But....ewww," she said, at the thought of covering his mouth with hers. He still hadn't woken, however, so she pushed that to the back of her mind and laid his head on the floor, clamping her mouth over his. She was concentrating so hard on getting ghim breathing again that she didn't notice his tongue creeping into her mouth.  
  
It wasn't until his arms had snaked around her waist and pulled her on top of him did she realize he had been awake and taking advantage of her being a good samaritan. She pulled away quickly and sat up.  
  
"Ugh! You PIG!" She yelled, and slapped him hard across the face. She stood up and stormed out of the room, slamming the door so hard the windows shook.  
  
"Ok, maybe I deserved that."  
  
****  
  
There's your chapter. I liked it, how 'bout you? Now review and tell me so. 


	5. Naughty things with his bonny lass

A/N: Thanks for all your reviews! I love you guys.  
  
A note- I have absolutely no idea where this story is going. None. I know it will end with Jack going home, or thereabouts. Otherwise, I'm as surprised as you are with most of this stuff.  
  
Abbie: No, no, NO! You're still thinking the wrong way about this. Rob is a great, wonderful guy. Jack is a drunken pirate. A sexy one, but still.  
  
Platy: Just thought I'd tell you now(cuz I don't know when the Tattoos will be updated), THANK YOU for putting it on your favs list!! Haven't seen Sandlot, maybe I'll rent it! I'm sorry I made you cough, I hope it was a good type of cough and that you're feeling better. GEORGE!! And remember- Jack isn't an alcoholic, he's a drunk. Alcoholics go to meetings.  
  
Pineapple1: Good question. No, this takes place AFTER their adventure. But Hollywood didn't make a movie of it, so Jennifer & co. didn't know about Jack.  
  
And everyone else- THANK YOU!!!  
  
****  
  
David came home 15 minutes after Jennifer had stormed out of Jack's room. Jennifer had turned her CD player all the way up, which she only did when she was very very angry or very very depressed. Or both, which was a volatile combo.  
  
"Uh oh." He climbed the stairs and opened the door to the guest room first. Jack was sitting on the bed with his hands over his ears.  
  
"Will you tell that insane sister of yers to turn that crap down?" He called over the guitar solo. "I want teh talk teh her!" David nodded and made his way toward his sister's room. He pounded on the door and the music turned down. Not much, but a little.  
  
"What?" Jennifer asked icily. David raised an eyebrow.  
  
"Our houseguest wants to talk to you," he said. Her face was contorted into look of extreme disgust.  
  
"Tell our houseguest he can go screw himself," she replied, then slammed the door. The music was soon after cranked all the way up again. David sighed and walked back to Sparrow's room.  
  
"What the hell did you do?" He yelled over the music. Sparrow pulled an innocent face, but when it didn't seem to fool David, he shrugged.  
  
"It was just a little kiss."  
  
David's eyes grew wide and he stormed over to Sparrow, grabbing him by the collar. "WHAT DID YOU SAY?" He roared. Sparrow scowled and shoved against him.  
  
Just then, the music was turned down and Jennifer's voice could be heard. "He practically stuck his tongue down my throat!" She yelled, before cranking it back up again.  
  
David let go, but continued to glare. "Downstairs. Now." He turned around quickly and marched out of the room. Sparrow followed, holding his ears when they passed Jennifer's room. It was still thumping.  
  
David sat down at the kitchen table and pointed to the chair across from him. Sparrow to the seat and put his feet up on the table. At David's glare, however, they nearly flew back to the ground.  
  
"Don't you ever touch my sister again. Ever. Or you will regret it." Sparrow gulped. He normally wouldn't have been scared by a threat. But, seeing as there was still an angry glint in David's eyes and that the 20 year old was 8 inches taller than Sparrow, putting him at a full 6 feet 6 inches, Sparrow was fairly sure it was more of a promise.  
  
"Right. Never again," Sparrow nodded. David glared for a minute more, then stood up. Sparrow cringed for a moment, fearing the wrath of the older brother. Then he realized that David was moving to the refrigerator. David pulled out two Miller Genuine Drafts and tossed one to Sparrow.  
  
The pirate was confused for a minute on how in god's name he was supposed to open it without a bottle opener. Then he saw David twist the top open and did the same. The taste was fairly different from what he was used to, but it was booze all the same. His sweet, sweet booze. He had downed half the bottle in a matter of seconds.  
  
20 minutes and two longnecks later David heard Jennifer's Cd start up at the first song again. Whenever she shut herself up in her room like that, she would change the CDs when one was over, unless she had fallen asleep. He put the Miller down and climbed the stairs.  
  
Timidly he opened the door and peaked inside. There she was, laying sprawled on her bed fast asleep. David crossed the room on tippy-toes (or as tippy-toed as you could be after having 2 beers) and turned off the music. She stirred on the bed but didn't wake up.  
  
He exited the room and walked down the stairs. Sparrow had gotten up and was looking around the house. He had made it to the DVD collection before David got there.  
  
"Wanna watch a movie, Jack?" the 20-year old asked. Sparrow shrugged, then nodded. He fell onto the couch while David walked over to the large array of movies. He scanned the rack for a minute before taking out a thick box set.  
  
"Wha's that one?" Sparrow asked. David took out the disc and threw it to Sparrow, who missed the catch due to his drunkenness. Instead it hit him in the forehead.  
  
"Ow," Sparrow said, rubbing his forehead. He picked up the box and looked at the title, brows furrowed. "Uh, mate? I can't read this." He decided to leave out the fact that he couldn't read anything. Pirating didn't require reading skills.  
  
"It's the Lord of the Rings. Want another beer?" David replied, heading toward the kitchen. The disc had started up and was ready to play. Sparrow grinned and nodded. David returned a few minutes later holding a bag of buttery popcorn and two more longnecks. Sparrow sniffed at the popcorn before deciding it was good to eat and dug in. David started the movie and they sat, drinking and scarfing popcorn until the scene of Elrond's council.  
  
Sparrow sat forward in his seat and stared hard at the screen. "Tha's 'o it is!" he exclaimed, causing David to jump in his seat.  
  
"Who? Who who is?" the younger man replied, slurring a bit. Sparrow brought up his finger and pointed at a particularly handsome elf.  
  
"Him! 'e looks jus' like Will!" He said. He started muttering to himself. "Dear Will, wonder what 'e's doin' righ' now, probably doin' naughty things with 'is bonny lass...."  
  
"Who the hell is Will?" David asked, screwing his eyes up in a drunken manner.  
  
"Will, my good man, is the son of my great friend, the dearly deceased William Turner, or Bootstrap Bill," he answered, putting a hand over his heart. David snorted.  
  
"Bootstrap Bill?" he repeated, bursting with laughter. Sparrow glared.  
  
"Yeh think that's funny, do yeh?" He said, raising his fists. David stopped laughing abruptly and pulled a very straight face.  
  
"No, of course not," he replied. But shortly after his face cracked into a smile, and Sparrow's followed suit. Soon they were both rolling on the floor, clutching their stomachs and laughing their heads off.  
  
****  
  
When Jennifer woke up, she found her brother and Sparrow snoring loudly, sprawled about her favorite couch and floor, beer bottles strewn around. She snickered evilly and moved Sparrow's hand to a certain sensitive part on himself before running upstairs to get her camera. She snapped the picture and moved the pirate's hand back discreetly.  
  
Deciding that taking an incriminating photo wasn't enough to get back at Sparrow for what he did, she pulled a large pan out from her cupboard, along with a huge metal ladle. Now, as I'm sure all of you know, metal on metal at 8 in the morning is not something you want to hear if you've been drinking all night. Jennifer was quite aware of this and started clanging the ladle and pan together, like a little child who just discovered that you could make sound that way.  
  
"Rise and shine, assholes! Time to wake up!" She called, over and over and over again. David sat up almost immediately, shaken and looking to kill. Jennifer just grinned at him and moved over to Sparrow, who was balanced half-hazardly over the edge of the couch. She got very close before yelling in his ear to wake up, while banging the pan on the other side.  
  
He shot straight up, before tumbling over the edge. "Bloody 'ell, yeh madwoman! What do yeh think yer doin'?!?!" He yelled, picking himself off the ground. She laughed and held up her 'instruments'.  
  
"Isn't it obvious? I'm waking you up."  
  
Sparrow glared and yawned in response. David was sitting on the couch and rubbing his temples in slow circles when he said, "Dammit, now I'm hungry. Make me some food, Jen."  
  
His sister burst out laughing and continued to laugh as she walked up the stairs back to her room. David sighed, then got up to make breakfast.  
  
"So Jack, what were you doing before you got here?" He asked as he pulled the eggs from the fridge. Sparrow's face turned thoughtful for a moment before he answered.  
  
"I was about teh spend some quality time with a beautiful Tortuga lady."  
  
David raised an eyebrow but shrugged it off. "What do ya say, Jack, to bacon and eggs?" he asked, holding out a blue plate with the foodstuffs on it.  
  
Sparrow smiled and grabbed the plate.  
  
****  
  
Upstairs, Jennifer was on the phone with her favorite aunt, Cathy. She was only 5 years older than Jennifer(due to some strange family happenings, which we won't discuss), and had always been a big part of her life.  
  
Cathy lived only 20 minutes away, and Jennifer was hitting herself for not thinking of this before.  
  
"I'm serious, Cathy. You have to come here, now."  
  
Cathy sighed over the phone. "Ok, let me get this straight. You are saying that a pirate who looks just like Johnny Depp his sitting in your living room right now."  
  
"Actually, I think he's in the kitchen," Jennifer replied.  
  
"Jen, you have completely lost it. I told you not to get obsessed about Depp, but did you listen? Nooo...."  
  
Jennifer sighed. "Look, just come over, will you? Pleeeeeeeease? For me?"  
  
"Fine. I'll be over in 45 minutes," Cathy conceded.  
  
Jennifer smiled. "See you then."  
  
****  
  
Ooooo....what hi-jinxes are coming now?  
  
I've just been hit with inspiration! But I can't tell you what it was....that would ruin the surprise....damn. Well, you'll just have to keep reading to find out! R&R!! 


	6. Speak of the devil

A/N: Here's your chapter. Thanks for all your reviews!  
  
Heh heh...heh heh heh.....  
  
Disclaimer: Don't own. Don't sue.  
  
****  
  
To David's surprise, Cathy showed up exactly 45 minutes after she hung up with Jennifer. David opened the door to see his short blonde aunt standing at the door. Of course, considering she was only 2 years older than he, he considered her more of a cousin than an aunt.  
  
"Cathy? What are you doing here?" He asked, pulling her into a hug. She stepped inside and smiled at him.  
  
"Jen called. Where is she?" She asked, looking up the stairs. Jennifer waved from the top of them and clopped down. The two women embraced.  
  
"45 minutes to the second. You're so incredibly punctual it's scary," Jennifer said, laughing. Just then Sparrow entered the little reunion, holding a large bowl of cornflakes.  
  
"I've got teh hand it to yeh, Dave, these really are great," he said, taking a large spoonful in his mouth. Cathy stared, eyes wide. Sparrow looked up from his bowl, mouth full, and said, "Oh, 'ello. 'o are you then?" As he spoke, little bits of cornflakes mixed with milk went spraying all over and milk dripped down his stubble covered chin.  
  
"Jack! You're getting cereal all over the house!" Jennifer scolded. Sparrow grinned.  
  
"Sorry luv. I mean, Jennifer. So, yeh gonna answer me question, lass?" He asked, turning his head to Cathy. She opened her mouth, looking like she was going to say something, but then decided against it and shut it.  
  
"I told you he looked like Johnny Depp," Jennifer said, smirking. Cathy squeaked, but didn't move.  
  
"Yes, Johnny Depp. Now, who are you?" Sparrow asked again. Cathy ignored him and turned to her niece.  
  
"How did he get here?" She asked.  
  
"Well, I was just putting up my dinner dishes, right? So I here this thump in the living room, and I'm like, oh shit, who could that be, so I grab the frying pan and I'm about to knock him out cold when-"  
  
Sparrow cleared his throat loudly, cutting off Jennifer's story. She turned to him, annoyed.  
  
"What?" She asked, hands on her hips. "I'm in the middle of a story here."  
  
"Who the bloody 'ell is she?" He exclaimed, pointing at Cathy.  
  
"I'm Cathy Klay. Nice to meet you, uh, Jack, right?" She extended her hand quickly. A little too quickly, in fact, because it shot straight up and knocked him smack dab in an extremely sensitive part of his body.  
  
"Eek," he squeaked, holding himself and dropping his bowl. Jennifer burst out laughing, David cringed, and Cathy's eyes went wide and she started blushing.  
  
"Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry. Are you ok?" She asked, moving toward him. He scurried backwards, bumping into the wall.  
  
Meanwhile, Jennifer had fallen on the floor, clutching her stomach, and was struggling to breathe. She seemed to stop laughing for a bit and catch her breath, only to roll onto her hands and knees and start pounding the floor.  
  
"Shut up, will yeh?" Sparrow said, his voice a little higher than normal. Cathy put her hands on her hips and started at her niece. David glared.  
  
"It's really not that funny. Imagine if that happened to you," her brother said. Jennifer snorted.  
  
"What, if Cathy hit me in my family jewels?" She laughed. "I doubt it would affect me as much." A smile broke on Cathy's face, though she tried to hide it.  
  
"Yes, well, it happened teh me, didn't it?" Sparrow said, finally standing up straight. He took a deep breath and picked up the cereal bowl that he had dropped. "Scuse me, folks, but I think I'll leave," Sparrow finished, walking off. Ok, limping off.  
  
****  
  
10 minutes later, the three family members had made their way to the den, talking over the current situation.  
  
Jennifer, still snickering slightly, spoke up. "I can't believe you hit him in the balls." Cathy's face flushed.  
  
"I told you, I didn't mean too! Now, what are we gonna do about him?" She asked. Jennifer stopped laughing and David shrugged.  
  
"Maybe if...um...." David said, trailing off. They sat there for a few moments, thinking, before Sparrow entered.  
  
"Speak of the devil," David said. Sparrow winked.  
  
"Can one of yeh put a movie on? I'd prefer not teh have teh bang me head against the wall teh get some attention 'round here." Cathy cocked her head at Jennifer, confused. Her niece waved it off and got up.  
  
"Sure. C'mon." The pair walked up the stairs, leaving Cathy and David alone to think. A minute later David exclaimed, "Ah HA!" and snapped his fingers, successfully scaring the wits out of Cathy. She tumbled off the chair she was sitting in and clutched her chest.  
  
"Jesus H Christ! What the hell, David!?" She asked, panting. He helped her up excitedly.  
  
"I've got it. I think. If we put him in the city time capsule, he'll be zapped back to his time!" His eyes were wide, and he spoke quickly. Cathy didn't share his enthusiasm.  
  
"Uh huh. And what made you think of this idea?" She asked, raising an eyebrow.  
  
"I saw it in some movie once," he replied, his smile fading. Cathy rolled her eyes and sighed.  
  
"One of those crappy science fiction movie that you watch all the time?" She asked again. He nodded and sat back in a huff.  
  
"They aren't crappy. And so far it's the only idea we've got, Ms. I've-got- to-shoot-down-everything-David-says." It was then that Jennifer walked in, looking decidedly ruffled.  
  
"What happened to you?" Cathy asked. Jennifer ran a hand through her hair.  
  
"I had a little scuffle with Sparrow. Don't worry, I came out on top." The two women smiled, but David, already weary of having Sparrow and his sister alone together, took it exactly the wrong way.  
  
"WHAT? I'll kill him...." he said, about to storm out the door and punch Sparrow's light's out. Jennifer put her hands on his chest and pushed him down.  
  
"Cool it. All I meant was, I won. I got my way," she said, trying to calm him down. He narrowed his eyes, but sat back.  
  
"Hmmp."  
  
***  
  
As Sparrow sat upstairs, watching 'Sleepy Hollow', grumbling about how Jennifer beat him, he felt a strange sensation in his stomach. It was like an uncontrollable desire that he had never felt before. He turned off the TV and made his way cautiously down the stairs.  
  
That was when the doorbell rang.  
  
***  
  
"Dammit, who the hell is that?" Jennifer said, getting up. She checked her watch and groaned. The other two in the room shrugged and followed her to the door.  
  
"Aww, man," she complained. Before the other two could ask what was wrong, she saw Sparrow making his way down the stairs. "Jack! Get back up there!" She said, pointing to the room. He stood up straight, looking confused. Then he shook his head quickly, as if clearing his thoughts. Then Sparrow nodded and went back to his room.  
  
"Who is it?" Cathy asked. Jennifer sighed, speaking quietly.  
  
"It's this really annoying girl from school who said she would tutor me in math. She's absolutely crazy, she insisted on getting an 'early start'. So she picks the middle of the summer!"  
  
Cathy and David exchanged worried looks. Jennifer sighed and swung open the door. The girl behind it had obscenely long, flowing blonde hair and strange purple eyes, that were obviously colored contacts. She was very tall, and her body seemed so perfect it wasn't right. Her chest was large, and her waist was tiny. Jennifer had often wondered how she could turn sharp corners, she looked so top heavy. Her skin was an odd color, almost orange. Jennifer snickered inwardly at the bad use of instant tanner.  
  
"Jen! It's so wonderful to see you!" The girl exclaimed, pulling her into a hug. Jennifer awkwardly patted her back.  
  
"Hey Mary," She said, giving a timid smile. Mary pulled away and nearly blinded the three family members with a giant smile.  
  
"Gosh, Jen, how many times do I have to ask you to call me by my full name? It's just so pretty! Don't you agree?" She said. Jennifer nodded fakely and Cathy looked like she was going to throw up.  
  
"Let me introduce you all. This is my aunt, Cathy." Jennifer pointed to her aunt.  
  
The girl with obscenely long hair pulled a very frightened Cathy into a hug. "Aunt? You couldn't be an aunt! You're much too young!" She asked, a wide smile still plastered on her face.  
  
"Uh, thanks. There were some strange family happenings. Don't ask, uh...what's your name?" The other girl smiled even brighter, if that was possible.  
  
***  
  
Upstairs, Sparrow felt himself being drawn to something downstairs again. [Is it that Cathy lass? No...she's pretty, but she did have a bad encounter with me family jewels....who could it be?] He thought to himself.  
  
Finally, though, the pull was to strong. He exited the room and walked down the stairs just in time to catch the name of the girl with obscenely long blonde hair and unnatural purple eyes.  
  
"My name is Mary Sue."  
  
****  
  
MUA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!  
  
I told you I had a good idea.... *taps fingers together like Mr. Burns from the Simpsons*  
  
Eeeexcellent....  
  
Sorry its shorter than normal....oh well. R&R! 


	7. Just try to be me sometime

A/N: Thanks for your reviews, and sorry for the long wait. I've been incredibly busy, with exams, and Christmas shopping, and....bleh.  
  
On a side note, wasn't ROTK awesome?!?!?!  
  
Disclaimer: Not mine. At all.  
  
**** Previously:  
  
Finally, though, the pull was to strong. He exited the room and walked down the stairs just in time to catch the name of the girl with obscenely long blonde hair and unnatural purple eyes.  
  
"My name is Mary Sue."  
  
*****  
  
Cathy snickered under her breath. Jennifer glared at her, but didn't say anything. Mary Sue didn't seem to be paying attention, though. She was looking at the bottom of the staircase, where Sparrow was standing, looking quite confused but extremely infatuated.  
  
Jennifer turned around to see what Mary Sue was looking at. Her eyes grew wide seeing Sparrow standing there. He looked like he was trying to turn his head, but it was being held, locked on Mary Sue's face by some unseen force.  
  
Jennifer stormed over to Jack, took him by the elbow, and dragged him up the stairs. David looked over at Mary Sue and smiled fakely.  
  
"So, how 'bout those Buccaneers?"  
  
***  
  
"What is wrong with you Jack? Trying to get yourself found?" Jennifer ranted as soon as they were inside the guest room. Sparrow was sitting on the edge of the bed, head in his hands.  
  
"I don't know what happened. I jus'....jus' felt this pull to 'er. I don' understand," Sparrow replied, looking thoroughly ashamed. Jennifer sighed and sat down beside him, patting his back.  
  
"I think I do. Mary Sue...she has this effect on guys. They just seem to want to fall all over her. Even if they have girlfriends. She's had quite a few death threats come her way before. " The girl pinched the bridge of her nose. "Luckily for me, Rob goes to a different school, but most...." she shook her head.  
  
"I saw her break up a couple that had true love going for them. The guy, William, had loved Liz since he had first met her. They finally got together, and then Mary Sue comes along and ruins it. Liz...Liz...she killed herself a few weeks later," Jennifer finished, sniffling.  
  
Sparrow's mouth hung open. [Will...Liz...this is gettin' too weird.] He only snapped out of his thoughts when he felt a tear hit his bare foot. He looked up to see Jennifer crying, eyes squeezed shut. He put his arm around her shoulders.  
  
"She was my best friend, Jack!" She sobbed, turning into his shoulder. He did his best to comfort her. After a few minutes she pulled back and took a deep breath.  
  
"Alrigh' then, lass?" Sparrow said, wiping off a tear rolling down her cheek. She nodded and stood up.  
  
"Yeah. But I'm afraid I'm going to have to lock you in here, Jack. You can't come out again," she said, almost regretfully. He nodded.  
  
"Yeh. Jus' get 'er out soon, eh?" Sparrow said, walking with her to the door. She nodded in reply.  
  
"Hey, Jack?" She said, turning around. He looked up expectantly. "Thanks." He smiled and closed the door. Hearing the locking sound from the outside, he settled down on the bed, and promptly fell asleep.  
  
***  
  
Downstairs, Cathy was struggling to keep the topic of conversation off of the man that was at the bottom of the stairs. When Jennifer came down with a hugely fake smile plastered on her face, Mary Sue's expression turned icy. "I heard you up there, Jennifer."  
  
The 17-year-old's smile dropped off her face. "What are you talking about?" Mary Sue rolled her eyes.  
  
"I heard you talking about me with that man." Mary Sue glared hard, standing up. Jennifer shot a look to Cathy, who just shrugged.  
  
"You could not have possibly heard what we said up there, not that it's any of your business. You're not an elf or something, Mary Sue." Mary Sue crossed her arms in front of her.  
  
"That's what you think." Cathy burst out laughing. Mary Sue whipped around, glaring. "Laugh all you want, Cathy. I'm half elf. That's why I have blonde hair and beautiful skin, and purple eyes."  
  
"Oh please," Cathy said, standing up. "You have blonde hair because you died it, I can even see your roots, you don't have beautiful skin(sorry to burst your bubble), and you have purple eyes because you have contacts."  
  
Mary Sue glared daggers. Behind her, Jennifer had the smirk of someone who had just caught someone at their own game. If that makes sense. Anyway. "Then explain how I heard what you said up there!"  
  
Jennifer walked up to Mary Sue and peered into her ear. "That's how," she answered, pointing to an object inside of the girl's ear. "Got one of those super microphone things, eh? How's this for you?" Jennifer then proceeded to yell rather loudly into Mary Sue's ear. The girl with fake purple eyes shrieked and ran out of the house. The family members slapped hands.  
  
"Now, to retrieve Jack."  
  
David spoke up. "You two have fun with that. I've gotta go, Kelly is waiting for me." David left, to meet up with his girlfriend. Leaving the two girls alone to deal with what came next.  
  
***  
  
When Jennifer and Cathy got to the top of the stairs, they heard Jack speaking very quickly inside the room. "Aww, man, Jack's talking to himself again!" Jennifer sighed and opened the door.  
  
The sight before them was not one they had expected. The door opened to reveal Jack pinned up against the wall, held by 4 arrows piercing through the edges of his shirt, and a tall blonde man holding a bow and arrow. Jack looked confused, terrified and excited all at the same time.  
  
The man whipped around and pointed an arrow at the two women in the doorway. "Who are you?"  
  
Jennifer's mouth dropped open, and Cathy nearly fainted. "'ey, mate, I told yeh, the tall one is Jennifer and the short one is Cathy. Savvy?" The archer didn't turn, but he did narrow his eyes. "They won't 'urt yeh, I promise, lad." The man lowered his bow and turned to face Sparrow. "Now, 'ow bout getting me off, eh? Tha's it...thank ye," Sparrow said as the blonde man pulled the arrows from the wall.  
  
Sparrow smiled at him and check the holes in the shirt. When the archer turned to face the girls again, they noticed his pointed ears. "Oh my god," Jennifer breathed, before both promptly swooned and fainted.  
  
Sparrow narrowed his eyes. "'Ow come they didn't do tha' for me?" The elf raised an eyebrow, then shrugged.  
  
***  
  
Jennifer awoke on her bed, Cathy still unconscious next to her. For a moment she wondered just how the hell she had gotten there, but then remembered what had happened. "My home has turned into a crossover from hell."  
  
"Ah, you are awake, my lady," the elf said, entering the room. Jennifer felt her mouth open and close a few times as she sputtered at the beautiful figure before her.  
  
"Are you who I think you are?" She asked, fearing the answer. She completely ignored Sparrow's entrance, her eyes fixed on the elf.  
  
"That all depends on who you think I am. But if you think I am Legolas Greenleaf, Prince of Mirkwood, you are correct." He smiled and bowed his head slightly. Jennifer let out a small "Oh," and fell quiet.  
  
"You frightened myself and your friend here when the two of you fainted. May I ask why you did in the first place?" The elf asked, looking innocently curious. Sparrow spoke up.  
  
"It's an incredibly long story, mate. I suggest yeh jus' except it. Easier tha' way." Legolas looked a titch confused, but continued.  
  
"Alright, if you can't tell me how you know me, then can you tell me how I got here? I have never seen a world like this in all my travels." Jennifer sighed and stood up.  
  
"I have no idea. I don't know how he got here either," she said, pointing at Sparrow. Legolas's brow furrowed.  
  
"You mean, he is not of this world either?" Jennifer shook her head and ran a hand through her hair.  
  
"No, as far as I can tell, he's from this world, the Caribbean, actually, but he's from another time." At the elf's look, she added, "Yeah. Just try to be me sometime."  
  
***  
  
AAAAAAAAAA!!! CROSSOVER GOODNESS! I really should think about what I'm going to have in my stories before I write them....oh well. I hope you liked my mocking of Mary Sue, and my addition of Legolas. If not, too bad. I'm not changing the story for you. I hope I got Legolas right, I'm not sure what he would be like,  
  
ANYWAY! If I got him right, review and tell me so! If I didn't, review and tell me so! If you don't know, review and tell me so!  
  
If you haven't gotten the subtle hint yet, I'm trying to say, REVIEW!!! :-D 


	8. Skip to the death

A/N: Thank you guys for the reviews. Platy, I don't know what I'm going to do next, but if I add in reviewers, you'll be the first. :-D Elrothiel, the bomb scare was at my school, not the mall. I live in Florida, not England, so sorry if I confused you.  
  
*** Recap: Mary Sue has been vanquished(I like that word...heh...vanquished vanquished vanquished vanquished!!! And I'm done.). David is out with his girlfriend, Kelly. Cathy and Jennifer went up to see Jack, to find him pinned to a wall by arrows. Legolas has shown up, making this a big strange crossover. Jennifer has woken up and is feeling awfully stressed, Jack is feeling ignored, Legolas is confused, and Cathy is unconscious. Got it all? Good. On with the story.  
  
***  
  
Jennifer started pacing. When Legolas realized she wouldn't be stopping anytime soon, he moved to the edge of the bed and started talking quietly in Elvish to Cathy, attempting to wake her up. She stirred, then her eyes slowly blinked open. A smile crept onto her face when she noticed that only about six inches from her face was a gorgeous elf she had read about since she was little.  
  
"You are awake, my lady!" he said, smiling. Cathy nearly melted at the sound of his voice. She nodded, and took his hands as he pulled her up. Jennifer stopped her pacing for just long enough to see Cathy staring dreamily at Legolas, and the elf turning her head to get a good look at the back of it.  
  
"Wha' are yeh doin', then?" Jack said from the back of the room. He had been lazily watching Jennifer pace until then. Legolas didn't turn to face him, but continued to look at the back of the blonde's head.  
  
"The lady Cathy hit her head when she fell. Jennifer, I believe it was-" he said, looking at the girl pacing. She nodded. "Yes, Jennifer landed on Cathy's leg, but I believe Cathy hit her head on that wooden table in the hall." Then he resumed examining her head.  
  
Jennifer's eyes grew wide. "Oh no, not the table!" She rushed into the hallway and started investigating the table. When she found a small chip, she cried out in anguish and slide down to the floor. Jack walked out to find her crying on the floor, clutching the leg of the table.  
  
"Whoa! Wha's wrong, luv?" Jack said, gently taking her shoulders. Her face was tear stained and her eyes were red.  
  
"Everything, Jack! I'm got a pirate and an elf in my house that don't belong here, I have no idea how to get them back, my brother won't be home until late tonight, and when he gets here he'll probably be drunk, and now my dad's great-grandmother's antique table is chipped. I am absolutely, positively, screwed beyond all belief," she said, falling into the pirate's arms. He tried to comfort her as best he could.  
  
"Shh....no more tears, lass. C'mon, up yeh go." He pulled her up and wiped away her tears. Just then, Legolas walked out, followed closely by Cathy, who seemed to be trying to smell him.  
  
"Are you alright, Jennifer?" Legolas asked, eyes full of concern. The teenager nodded and wiped away her tears.  
  
"Yeah, I'm ok. But I need some time to think. Alone. Can I talk to you for a minute?" she said, looking at Cathy. Her aunt nodded and followed her into her room. The two men, well, males, were left standing outside.  
  
"Cathy, I think you should go home. Now," Jennifer said, staring into the other's eyes. Cathy's brow furrowed and she crossed her arms.  
  
"What? Why?"  
  
Jennifer heaved a huge sigh. "Because for one, you're absolutely falling all over elf boy, and two, I have got to find a way to fix all this, and I can't do it with you trying to grope Legolas."  
  
Cathy looked a bit put out, but finally nodded. "Yeah, I guess you're right. Call me as soon as you figure something out, kay?" She agreed. Jennifer nodded and followed her out of the room. Jack and Legolas were standing right by the door when it opened.  
  
"Are you going, Cathy?" Legolas asked. She nodded, sighing deeply. He took her hand and kissed it lightly. "Goodbye then, until next time." Jack snickered behind the elf, but stopped when Jennifer shot him a look.  
  
"I'll talk to you later, Cathy," Jennifer called from the top of the stairs, when her aunt was walking out the door. It shut tightly and the only girl left in the house ran a hand through her hair.  
  
"OK, so I'm going to go into my room, turn up the music, and think. You guys just hang out, alright? And tell me if anyone comes to the door. Got it?" The two males nodded. "Good." With that, she turned around and shut herself in her room. The dynamic duo stood there for a minute, until very loud rock music, Hoobastank to be exact, came blasting through the door.  
  
Legolas's hands shot up to his sensitive ears, and he squeezed his eyes shut in pain. Jack took him by the elbow and led him downstairs, where the music wasn't too loud. "Alrigh', mate?" Jack said, trying to pry the elf's hands from his ears.  
  
"What is that horrible noise?" Legolas said, rubbing his ears. His eyes stung with tears, it had hurt him so badly. Jack just shrugged.  
  
"Dunno, but it probably is saying jus' 'ow she feels."  
  
The two men listen to the words more closely now. And both came to the conclusion that it seemed that she herself had written the lyrics.  
  
"I'm spinning out of control, out of control! Spinning out of control, out of control! Where should I go, What should I do Don't understand what you want from me!"  
  
***  
  
Jennifer eventually came out of her room. When she got downstairs, she found Legolas and Jack sitting on her favorite couch, talking.  
  
"I'm tellin' yeh, yeh look jus' like me friend Will. 'Cept with blonde 'air. And pointy ears, o' course," Jack said. Legolas was looking at him with a look you might give to someone you thought was crazy, but wasn't quite sure. The elf supposed Jack had had a bit too much ale.  
  
"Are you bothering Legolas, Jack?" Jennifer asked from the top of ther stairs. Jack glared at her, but Legolas just smiled.  
  
"Not at all, milady. He was just telling me how I seem to have a frightening resemblance to his friend Will. Strange, don't you think?" His voice sounded amused, but his face said 'thank-god-you've-come-just-in- time". She smiled and winked.  
  
"Really? How interesting. Food, anyone?" She asked, hopping into the kitchen. The two males looked at each other, shrugged, and followed her. Inside, she was skipping around, grabbing food from the pantries and shelves.  
  
"She's completely lost 'er marbles, mate," Jack whispered to Legolas as Jennifer cracked two eggs into a large bowl. Legolas looked concerned as he nodded. Meanwhile, the girl was breaking the yolks and whisking in numerous spices. Jack's brow furrowed as she added in 3 scoops of mint chocolate chip ice cream.  
  
Legolas stepped forward and grabbed Jennifer's hands. "Milady. Stop. Why don't you go have a seat, and leave this to Jack and I?" He said, a cautious smile on his face. She jumped at his touch and looked into his eyes like a deer in headlights.  
  
"What? Sit?" she asked as the elf prince led her to the living room. "Sit? Oh. Ok. I'll sit." She did, looking very much like a lost child. Legolas patted her arm, smiled, and walked back into the kitchen.  
  
Jack was standing there, staring into the steel mixing bowl. He cocked his head as Legolas came up behind him. The elf shook his head. "What happened?" Jack sighed and shrugged.  
  
"Stress, I figure," he said, pouring the mixture down the sink. As he turned on the water to wash in down, a loud crash and a shriek came from where Jennifer was sitting.  
  
"Not AGAIN!" She cried. They rushed out into the living room to see a tall red-haired man laying on Jennifer's favorite couch with his eyes closed. The girl was presently clutching a pillow, biting her nails. Legolas's eyes got huge, and he rushed over to the man.  
  
"Boromir!"  
  
(A/N: Was gonna cut it off here, but I decided to keep going)  
  
"Boromir? Wha' kind of a name is Boromir?" Jack asked, standing at the doorway. Legolas completely ignored him and propped up the man with a pillow. The pirate shrugged and walked over to Jennifer.  
  
"'Ey, luv, why don't yeh come with me, eh?" He took her arms and led her upstairs to her room. She collapsed onto her bed and presently fell asleep. He shook his head and left the room.  
  
Downstairs, Boromir had sat up and was blinking his eyes open. Legolas had a mixture of shock, happiness, and utter confusion. When the son of the Steward was finally awake, his face showed a similar expression. Legolas smiled and gave him his hand. "I thought you were dead."  
  
Boromir took it and stood up, embracing his friend. "So did I."  
  
With that, Jack stepped forward. "Wait a minute 'ere. Dead? No one said anythin' about dead." It was then that Boromir first realized he was there. The man drew his sword quickly.  
  
Jack, feeling very vunerable without his sword, glared hard. "I'd put tha' back there, son," he said, reaching behind his back. Boromir did not lower his sword, despite Legolas's urgings. "Put it away," Jack said again. When Boromir did not head him, the pirate whipped out his gun from behind his back.  
  
The two Middle Earth dwellers did not recognize the weapon, of course, but when Jack cocked it they decided not to fool with it. Of course, if Legolas had his bow, there wouldn't have been a problem. But as he had left them upstairs, along with his other weapons, Boromir slowly lowered the sword and Jack motioned to the couch. The other two sat down.  
  
"Now, could yeh kindly explain this teh me? Quickly, if yeh please," Jack said, still pointing the pistol. Boromir raised an eyebrow, but decided to relent and began the story.  
  
"Well, I left for Rivendell, and there I joined the Fellowship to destroy-" Jack shook his head and waved him off.  
  
"I know all tha'. Skip to the death." Legolas and Boromir were both rather confused on how this man knew about their adventures, but they did as he asked.  
  
"And, the last thing I saw was Aragorn laying above me, giving me my sword. It all went black after that. The next thing I know, I am here."  
  
Jack finally put his gun away and sat back on the couch. "I need some rum."  
  
****  
  
A/N: Ok, I think I'm done now. This story is just going everywhere, isn't it? Well, I'm sure it will work itself out. I hope you liked it. Don't forget to R&R!! 


	9. C'mon, pointy You're next

A/N: Glad you guys are liking this. Don't think I'm going to add anyone else, but you never know. The only reason I added Boromir was because I had just read an excellent story about him by Adara/BoromirFAN (Love and Lust-A Dynasty Broken(go read it)), and I decided I wanted to explore his character more. Hopefully I'll get it right.  
  
So I was in the shower, right, and I'm hit with this thought- Jennifer's parents seem pretty deadbeat, don't they? Haven't called in 3 days? So they will come into it this chapter. Sort of.  
  
Disclaimer: Consider this story disclaimed.  
  
Recap: Jennifer has completely lost her marbles, and is sleeping. Boromir has fallen onto Jennifer's favorite couch. David is still out with his girlfriend. Legolas is happy but confused. Same goes for Boromir. Jack decides he needs some rum.  
  
****  
  
Boromir was just about to concur when a loud ringing noise rang through the house. The three visitors to the Jackson household nearly jumped out of their skins. Jack's gun was whipped out again, and Boromir drew his sword. Legolas, with his super awesome elf ears, figured out where the sound was coming from and ran to it.  
  
The men followed him to the foyer. There they all stood, looking at a strange object they would later find out was a telephone. They exchanged glances and Jack shrugged, picking up the receiver. He pressed one of the buttons and held it up to his ear.  
  
"Hello? David, Jennifer, answer me! It's your mother!" cried a woman with a voice much like a mosquito on the other line. Jack raised an eyebrow at the phone.  
  
"Uh....Jennifer can't talk right now," the pirate said. His gruff voice obviously surprised the woman, who shrieked so loudly he had to hold the phone an arm's length away.  
  
"WHAT? WHO ARE YOU? PUT DAVID ON THE PHONE! GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!!" she screamed. Boromir's eyes went wide and Legolas's brows furrowed. The woman continued screaming. "I'LL CALL THE COPS, YOU BRUTE! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH MY CHILDREN?"  
  
"Listen you crazy bint, I 'aven't touched yer stinkin' kids!" Jack yelled back. On the other line, they heard a man trying to calm down the woman. We can assume that was Jennifer's father, and we have assumed right, because it was.  
  
A man's voice could soon be heard through the earpiece. "Listen, young man. I don't know where my kids are, or who you are. My wife is going crazy. Now, For some strange reason I'll decide to trust that my children are alright, because they are smart. Just tell them to call us when they can, alright? Understand?"  
  
"Yeh, I got it," Jack replied, glad to talk to someone who could control himself. There was a click on the other end and Jack glared at the phone. He pressed the same button as he did before and turned around. Boromir's mouth was half open, and the elf was still scrutinizing the phone with his eyes.  
  
"That was highly peculiar," said the son of the Steward. Jack nodded and strode into the kitchen. Boromir followed.  
  
"So how is it you know of our travels?" he asked. Jack sighed, grabbing a beer.  
  
"It's a long story, mate. I don't really feel like explainin' righ' now," he replied. Boromir wasn't satisfied with the answer, of course, but he accepted it for the time being. He put down his sword and set off to explore the house.  
  
***  
  
Legolas was sitting on the couch, thinking things over when he heard a loud "Ah HA!" come from the back of the house. He got up and followed the sound to find Boromir standing in front of a sliding glass door, leading to the pool.  
  
"Is that a pond?" Boromir asked, staring at the light blue water. Legolas cocked his head.  
  
"It looks like nothing I have seen in all my travels. But then again, much of the things here are like nothing I've ever seen," he replied, tapping on the glass. After a bit of searching, they unlocked it and opened the door. Legolas tentively stepped out, testing the ground. When he found it was solid, Boromir followed.  
  
The elf walked over to the pool and dipped his hand in the cool water. He smelled it, catching the bitter smell of the chlorine. He cautiously touched his tongue to it, but spit out the water quickly.  
  
"Whatever this is, it is not for drinking." Boromir had since taken off his gloves and his outer layer of clothing.  
  
"Why bother protecting a pond that is no good for drinking?" He said, pointing at the mesh screen above them. Legolas looked up and was about to reply when Jack Sparrow walked out.  
  
"Water! Thank god!" He cried. The pirate quickly shed all but his boxers(on loan from David), and dived into the pool. Boromir was splashed with the cool water as Jack entered the pool. Legolas, with his elf senses, was able to jump out of the way before it hit him.  
  
"Are you mad, man?" the Steward's son said. Jack laughed and splashed him with water. Boromir's hair was now dripping with water, and he was forced to remove his boots to dump out the water. He also had to take off the rest of his clothes, save his pants, to wring everything out. He glared at the pirate that was currently doing the backstroke in the large pool.  
  
"I suppose yeh could say tha'. Get in! Water's nice 'n cool....but yeh already knew tha'!" He then burst out laughing, before jumping out. Boromir took as step back as Jack moved toward him.  
  
"What are you doing...hey, Hey! Let go of me!" Boromir cried as he was pulled into the pool. "You will pay for that, my friend," he said, glaring. Jack just smiled. Legolas watched, partly amused and partly concerned that he was next. And he was quite right.  
  
"C'mon, pointy...you're next!" Jack said, grabbing for the elf. But with him being an elf, he moved out of the way easily. Jack jumped for him again, and the elf dodged. This went on for a while, until Boromir called from the pool.  
  
"You won't catch him. This elf is far to afraid of water to come in," he said with a smile on his face. Legolas stopped short.  
  
"Afraid? I think you are mistaken, my-" Legolas didn't get to finish. When he was distracted, Jack grabbed him around the waist and flung him into the deep end of the pool. When the elf emerged on the surface, he looked like a drowned rat. A very pretty drowned rat, but a drowned rat all the same. He looked at Boromir to kill. The man of Gondor just laughed.  
  
The elf trudged out of the pool, mostly because his boots were filled with water, making them quite heavy. He took them off and dumped them out. Jack splashed him lightly.  
  
"Oh, give it a rest. Have some fun, elf!" Boromir said, still laughing. He starting swimming and splashing around, enjoying himself fully. As he floated at the top of the water, Jack looked at his chest. On top of the broad, firm, tan, defined, sexy hard muscles  
  
WE INTERUPT THIS STORY FOR A SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT!  
  
The author has gone into dreamland. She is currently happily dreaming of Boromir. Until she is done, we will play cheesy Muzak for your entertainment.  
  
*cue muzak*  
  
The author has left dreamland. Thank you for your cooperation.  
  
WE WILL NOW RETURN TO THE PREVIOUSLY SCHEDULED STORY.  
  
On top of Boromir's chest, Jack noticed three dark red circles. "What happened there, mate?" He asked, pointing. Legolas looked up and Boromir pointed at the circles.  
  
"Those? I suppose those are from the arrows. I guess I still have the scars...." he trailed off.  
  
"Ouch."  
  
****  
  
Hope you liked the chapter. Shorter than normal, I know. Sorry I got lost in dreamland....but you would too if you were writing this story!! Or maybe you wouldn't. Whatever.  
  
R&R!! 


	10. Humans are so strange

A/N: I'm just writing up a storm lately, aren't I? Well, thank you to all the reviewers. I think this one will be exploring a lot of the character of Jack Sparrow, and Bootstrap Bill. I'm kinda going along with the same sort of character for Bootstrap that I had in another story, "Life Was Good." (Shameless plug here!)  
  
Pineapple1- I was actually thinking of that, and low and behold, it shall be in the chapter!! Great minds think alike, eh?  
  
Harpys Pistol- Ha...I'm sorry if I haven't satisfied you Sparrow lust. This chapter won't have much description of his hotness, but maybe you can imagine it while you read? There is more of him in this chapter. And thank you for putting both your story and me on your favorites list. :-D  
  
***  
  
Recap: Jennifer is still in her room. Legolas has been flung into the pool, creating a pissed off elf. Boromir is down to his trousers in the pool, and Jack noticed his scar-wound things from the arrows. Jack is also in the pool, in only a pair of borrowed boxers. *dirty thoughts dirty thoughts* and the Author is trying hard not to go off into dreamland.  
  
***  
  
"But look at you! What happened there, friend?" Boromir said, pointing at Jack's strong chest. He had reason to point, of course. While the son of the Steward only had three red circles that looked more like scars than wounds, Jack had two black marks that were quite obviously bullet wounds. Well, obvious to everyone but the Middle Earthlings. Obviously.  
  
"Those? Those are from a rather exciting stay in a junky lil' town filled with thieves. 'Course, being a thief meself, t'was normal company...." he trailed off, thinking back. Boromir's eyes flashed at the thought of a battle, and even Legolas looked semi-interested.  
  
When Jack didn't speak again, Boromir did. "Well? What happened then?" Jack hesitated. "Out with it, man!"  
  
The pirate sighed. "Well, it began as a simple stop for some supplies...."  
  
((WOO FLASHBACK TIME!))  
  
The sun was bright as Captain Jack Sparrow pulled into the port of Exuma island with his crew. They were just there to reload supplies, and to stash a bit of their swag. Sparrow walked down off the ship with pride.  
  
"Cap'n! Wait!" His young friend and student(in pirating, of course) Bootstrap Bill called from the ship. Jack smiled and turned around.  
  
"You're too bloody slow for me teh be waitin' fur, Bill!" Jack said, laughing. Bootstrap came huffing and puffing up. The man had just joined the crew of the Black Pearl, and Jack had taken him under his wing. He caught on quickly, but still wasn't trained to living on a boat. Just the day before he had gotten seasick and emptied his stomach over the railings.  
  
"Sorry, cap'n. But climbing down for that rigging is awfully dangerous work," Bill said, pointing skyward. Jack had to laugh. He knew that once Bootstrap had been at it for a while, he would be able to climb up and down like a monkey. And he also knew that eventually Bill would stop talking so properly. But Jack had done the same when he was new, though he had been 13 when he began pirating. Bill was already 18, an old age to begin.  
  
But Jack and Bill had many similarities, despite this difference. They both had come from upper-class families, both of which had been murdered by pirates. They also both went by nicknames. Jack Sparrow's real name was actually John Stevens, but that was hardly something he wanted getting around.  
  
Bill's proper name was unknown to many as well, but mostly because he had gotten the title 'Bootstrap Bill' only a day after he joined Jack's crew. Sparrow knew the truth, of course, that Bill's name was really William Turner. "Good strong name," Jack would say.  
  
So the two walked onto shore together and searched for a bar. "Ah! There it is, Jack!" Bill cried, pointing in the direction of a shabby looking pub. Shabby to you and me, of course, but positively glorious to a pirate who had been living at sea with a bunch of disgusting men for god knows how long.  
  
"Good eye, lad. On we go." The pair made their way in, grinning at the sight of people being thrown across the room, into walls, and sliding past on the ground.  
  
Jack grabbed the elbow of a large woman with a tray table passing by. "'Ow 'bout yeh get us some rum there, lassie?" He asked, flashing his best smile. The woman grinned and patted his arm.  
  
"Don't be callin' me lassie, boy. You know full well I'm more than 15 years yer elder. Have some respect," she said, scolding him lightly. Jack winked.  
  
"Would never dream of it, Madam." He fell into a low bow and swept off his hat. The woman laughed and dashed off. Jack and Bill exchanged a grin and sat at a table. The woman returned only a minute later, carrying 3 huge mugs filled with Jack's favorite drink.  
  
"What's yer buisness here, Jack my boy? And who be yer handsome friend?" She asked, winking at Bill. The younger man nearly choked on his drink, spitting it out all over Jack. The woman laughed.  
  
"Wonderful, there, Bootstrap. Thank ye. Pross, could yeh try not to cause me to get a rum shower? This be Bootstrap Bill," he said, wiping his face with his sleeve. Bill mopped up the bit of alcohol that had dribbing down his chin. Pross smiled and handed Jack a napkin.  
  
Before he could say thank you, however, a shot rang through the pub. This on its own was not a rare occurance, but this time it whizzed past Jack's ear and lodged itself in the wall behind him, showering him with tiny rock pieces.  
  
"Jack Sparrow! Where be Sparrow?" A loud gruff voice called from the door. The three at the table stood up quickly and the pirates reached for their guns. Jack and Bill aimed their pistols carefully at the 3 men at the door.  
  
The intruders were too quick for them, unfortunately. As the pistols fired, two of the men at the door fell, but not before one of their shots hit Jack's right breast. The man still standing shot, and hit the Captain in the same area. He collapsed on the ground, with Pross hurrying over to him. Bill quickly drew his cutlass and took on the shooter.  
  
The shooter ran out the door, and a terrible chase through the village ensued. The two battled through the streets, the shooter finally being taken down with a sword to the heart. Bill spit on his body and rushed back to the tavern. His captain had been taken upstairs and was being tended to by Pross.  
  
"Who was that, Jack?" Bill asked, leaning over his friend. He was about to speak when Pross put a hand over his lips, quieting him.  
  
"Leave him be. He needs to heal. Out."  
  
"But I need to-"  
  
"Now!" The woman roared, pointing. Bill jumped and ran out of the room.  
  
Over the next 2 weeks, Jack recovered from his bullet wounds, nursed by Pross. Bill was never told by Jack who the men were.  
  
******  
  
(END OF FLASHBACK!)  
  
Boromir stood, mouth agape, listening to the story. Legolas, though he didn't show it, was intensely interested by this story from another world as well.  
  
"Who would do such a thing? I do not understand humans of this world," Legolas said, putting his boots back on. Jack shrugged.  
  
"They were out for me blood. Scalawags, they were. Weren't for Bill...." he trailed off, ending in a sigh. Boromir narrowed his eyes, to see if he would speak again. When he didn't, the son of the Steward decided to ask him another question.  
  
"Alright, you have explained the black marks. What of those scars?" He said, gesturing to the trail of scars running down Jack's left forearm. The pirate ran a light hand over them, a strange look coming over his face. He only said one word.  
  
"Torture."  
  
At that, Boromir's face dropped. "What kind of life do you lead, Sparrow, that you would be subject to gunshots, and torture, and duels in places of leisure?" he asked, an incredulous look on his face.  
  
"Tis the life of a pirate. But I didn't chose it, t'was me destiny. 'Ave yeh ever heard the call of the sea, mate?" Jack asked, looking dreamy. Boromir shook his head, but Legolas sat up straighter.  
  
"I have," the elf said, from his chair. Boromir gasped and whipped around. Legolas looked like a great weight had been lifted off his chest, if only for a slight moment.  
  
"You have? My friend, I am sorry," he said, climbing out of the pool. Jack raised an eyebrow.  
  
"Why would yeh 'ave cause to be sorry, mate? The sea is the greatest mistress one could ever 'ave."  
  
Boromir slowly shook his head. "You do not understand. I may be just a man from Gondor, but I know enough of Elves to know that to smell the ocean, to hear the crash of waves or the cry of a gull, is to sentence yourself to a life of longing. If an elf hears, smells, or sees the ocean at all, he longs for it until he passes over the sea to Valinor," the man explained. Legolas slowly nodded.  
  
"It is our sickness."  
  
"But, Legolas, when?" Boromir asked, eyes full of concern. The elf sighed.  
  
"With Gimli, after the Ring was destroyed. We had been traveling for some time, and I heard the cry of a lone gull. Almost 2 years ago," Legolas finished, voice full of sadness. For Elves felt the strongest emotions of all those that dwell in Middle Earth, which meant they felt the deepest sadness and the highest joy.  
  
Jack stood confused, watching at the exchange between the two friends. He got out of the pool slowly and looked up.  
  
"Holy hell, it's already dark! I think I'd be best if we went in," he said, grabbing his clothes. Realizing that it would be highly uncomfortable to be wearing soaking wet undershorts under dry pants, he quickly removed the last of his clothing. (A/N: Happy, Harpys Pistol?) As he wrung them out, Boromir looked at him, shocked.  
  
"What in god's name are you doing?" He said, grabbing his own garments. Jack wound the blue boxers up and squeezed the last of the water out of them before answering.  
  
"Just dryin' out, is all. Don't ye worry, I'm done now," he said, slipping on the boxers and his pants. Jack smiled and went back inside.  
  
Boromir and Legolas exchanged a look. "Humans are so strange," commented the elf. The man looked slightly offended.  
  
"If you can find a man like Sparrow in Gondor or Rohan, I will eat my boots, elf."  
  
****  
  
There's your new chapter! I hope stark naked Sparrow did something for you, Harpys Pistol. But let me remind you that he doesn't look like Sparrow at all, but like Johnny Depp. Not that that's worse or anything.  
  
REVIEW!! 


	11. Sorry

ATTENTION LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!!!  
  
I have decided, after getting some reviews (which I agree with) and talking this chapter over with my cousin, I'm not happy with the end. Explanation: I was tired, it was late. So I've decided to re-write the ending to this chapter. I'll post the ch. 12(still going to be titled "It all goes to Hell" or something of the like), later. I'm working on it now.  
  
I'm sorry for putting such a gaping plot hole into my story, and I hope you liked this newly re-worked chapter.  
  
*** Recap: Night time, and Boromir, Legolas and Jack are all inside. Jennifer was still gone when the chapter ended. Onto the story!  
  
***  
  
Jack had just gotten another beer out of the refrigerator and opened it when Jennifer came shakily down the steps. He smiled as Legolas ran up to her and took her arm.  
  
"Are you alright, Jennifer? You were out for a long time," he commented, leading the girl down the stairs. She ran a hand over her eyes.  
  
"I guess. But I still haven't figured out a way to get you guys back, and now there are three of you to deal with," she replied, looking at Boromir. He looked down, feeling slightly guilty.  
  
"I am sorry if my arrival has caused you turmoil, my lady. But know that I would not be here if I had the choice," he said, kissing her hand. She sighed and sat down. Jack put his half full bottle down in front of her and told her to drink the rest. In any other circumstance, she would have said no, she was too young, and pushed it away. But this was not an ordinary circumstance.  
  
"Bottoms up!" The seventeen-year-old grabbed the bottle and downed it all in one gulp. Boromir raised an eyebrow, but Jack smirked.  
  
"Now that yeh've had that, maybe yeh won't kill me when I say yer parents called," he said, scooting back a bit. Her eyes went wide.  
  
"WHAT?" She yelled, looking from Jack, to Legolas, to Boromir. They all nodded, and she hung her head. "I am so screwed." The pirate patted her back, then went up to get her another beer.  
  
Legolas lifted up her chin and wiped away the tears that were staining her cheeks. "Do not despair. We will find a way to solve this riddle." The man of Gondor nodded from behind him.  
  
"Aye, we will," he agreed. Jennifer gave a small smile. As she got up, the phone rang again. The elf's eyes narrowed, and Boromir reached for his sword. She shook her head and went to the phone.  
  
"Hello? Oh, hi mom. Yeah, I'm fine, thanks for asking." A long pause. "Mom, those guys are my friends." Another pause. "I was in the bathroom! Jeez. Don't worry, ok? David can vouch for me. Just trust me, ok?" Pause. "Yes, Alright. Love you too. Bye." She hung up the phone and let out a low growl.  
  
"Where the hell is my brother? He should be home by now!" She said, to no one in particular, even though the elf and the Gondorian were standing right by her. As if on cue, the cell phone charging by the home phone went off. It was playing the theme for Lord of the Rings. Ironic, huh?  
  
Jennifer read the caller ID and snatched it up. "Hey. Where is my brother?" She asked into the mouthpiece.  
  
Boromir had decided he had had enough of hearing a one sided conversation and went to get a drink with Jack. But Legolas, being able to hear with those elf senses of his, stayed. He heard Kelly, David's girlfriend, tell Jennifer that her brother was completely plastered and was going to stay at her house that night. Jennifer apologized profusely for her brother's stupidity, but Kelly brushed it off.  
  
"Don't worry about it. I'll bring him home tomorrow," the older woman said, then hung up. Jennifer put the phone back on the charger and turned around. She jumped seeing the elf, having temporarily forgotten that he was standing there.  
  
"Jesus! You scared me, Legolas," she said, clutching her heart. He smiled and gave a small bow. She just laughed and walked into the living room, where the two men were sitting on the couches, each with a bottle in hand, sharing stories.  
  
"You lie," Jack said. Boromir scoffed and took a swig.  
  
"I do not. My brother Faramir, myself, and two others were the only ones that survived the attack." Jack still looked doubtful. "You do not have to believe me, but it is true. I thank the Valar that Faramir was not taken."  
  
"Do yeh miss him?" Jack said. Boromir nodded.  
  
"Aye, I do. I wish I knew what became of him," he replied sadly. Legolas laughed from the doorway.  
  
"Silly human. Why did you not ask of me what your brother's fate was?" He said, sitting on the couch. Boromir crossed his arms and pouted slightly.  
  
"I did not think to. But, since you know all of the happenings since my death, how about you enlighten me, Master Elf?"  
  
Legolas smiled. "I thought you would never ask. Your brother, you will be glad to know, is now the Steward of Gondor and Prince of Ithilien, under King Elessar. He is currently married to Eowyn, White Lady of Rohan."  
  
Boromir nearly choked on his drink hearing this. "Married! Tell me about this Eowyn."  
  
"She is a hero, Boromir. She, along with Merry,"  
  
"Merry, as in the Merry that was part of the Fellowship?" Boromir interrupted.  
  
"The very same. As I was saying, she, along with Merry, defeated the Witch King of Angmar, during the Battle of the Pelennor. She and your brother met in the Houses of Healing, and were married."  
  
Boromir sat up. "Why was he in the Houses of Healing?" When Legolas hesitated, the man's eyes narrowed. "Tell me, Legolas!" The elf sighed.  
  
"Because he was injured trying to reclaim Osgiliath from the orcs that invaded it. It was folly- simply not possible. But he went anyway, trying to win your father's respect," he replied. Boromir's eyes narrowed and he grasped the bottle so tightly it shattered in his hand, and a few pieces went flying up. One imbedded itself above his left eyebrow.  
  
"Whoa there! Hand me that, mate," Jack said, taking the broken bottle from the man. Jennifer grabbed the Gondorian's hand and winced seeing the pieces of glass cutting into his skin.  
  
"Holy crap, you squeezed that thing hard! C'mon upstairs, I'll clean that up," she said, trying to get him up. But Boromir was much bigger than the girl and remained where he was, ignoring her efforts.  
  
Legolas had not moved, but remained locking eyes with his friend. "What has become of my father?" asked the man, through gritted teeth.  
  
"He burned to death, by his own hand. And he tried to do the same to your brother. Pippin saved him from your father's madness," the elf replied, his voice trembling. Boromir was shaking, a mixture of rage and sadness. He passed his unhurt hand over his eyes.  
  
Jennifer looked back and forth between the friends before speaking. "Look, Boromir, I need to clean up this hand now if you don't want it infected. I'm surprised you haven't felt the alcohol yet."  
  
It seemed that just then he noticed that there were shards of glass slicing into his flesh. "Ah! Yes, that would be good." He stood up and followed her to the upstairs bathroom.  
  
"Jack! Can you go clean up downstairs? Use paper towels. Above the fridge," she told the pirate, who nodded and went down. Jennifer carefully turned Boromir's hand over to let the pooled blood fall into the sink. She ran cool water over the hand and grabbed the tweezers.  
  
"Ok, so this is going to hurt," she said, forgetting he was a seasoned warrior. He laughed, but it was shortly turned into a sharp intake of breath as she took the first piece of glass out.  
  
"You alright?" She asked, looking up into his face. He nodded. She continued to remove the glass.  
  
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have let my anger take me," he apologized when she had finished his hand. Jennifer rinsed it again and put some soap over the wound. He winced as she lightly rubbed it in.  
  
"Don't worry about it. You love your brother, I can't be mad at you for that. Hold still, I've got to clean it. Sorry," She said as he tried to pull his hand away. She finished and wrapped the hand in gauze. She looked into his face, smiling. The grin faded away when she noticed the cut that was still bleeding above his eye.  
  
"Whoops! Forgot about that one. Have a seat," the girl said, plopping the man down on the toilet. She grabbed the tweezers again and pulled out the last piece of the broken bottle. In total she had pulled 10 pieces out of his skin.  
  
"You really tore yourself up good, Boromir," she said, dabbing his forehead. He smiled at her, but before she could smile back, a yawn overcame her. Jennifer held her hand up to her mouth politely as she grabbed the gauze.  
  
"There you go. All better now," She said, taping the sterile pad to his forehead.  
  
He smiled at her, examining the bandage in the mirror. "Where did you learn to dress wounds so well?"  
  
"David used to get into scrapes when he was younger all the time. While she cleaned his cuts, Mom took the opportunity to show me how to properly bandage wounds." Jennifer glanced at the watch hanging from her wrist as she put away the medical tape. "Holy crap! It's already midnight. We should be getting to bed."  
  
The girl dashed down the steps to the living room, to find Jack rubbing the floor furiously with an entire roll of paper towels. Legolas was walking back and forth over Jack's working area, picking up tiny shard of glass from the carpet that only his keen elf eyes could see. This action was annoying Jack to no end.  
  
"Could yeh just wait till I finish, pointy? Yer annoying me," Jack said, throwing down the paper towels and standing up to face the elf. Legolas smirked and was about to say something when Jennifer cleared her throat loudly.  
  
"Excuse me, gentlemen, but it's getting late, and I'm tired. So could you please stop bickering? It's giving me a headache," she said, crossing her arms over her chest.  
  
"We were just having a discussion, is all. Are you all patched up, Boromir? Would yeh like me to kiss it an make it better?" Jack said crankily. Boromir glared, but Legolas let out a small laugh.  
  
"Think him funny, elf?" Boromir snapped. The elf nodded, causing a low growl to escape the man's lips.  
  
Jennifer stepped between them. "What did I just say? All of you need to cool your jets. Now, come with me and we'll get your beds ready."  
  
The two men and the elf obliged and followed her as she climbed to stairs. The girl told Jack to go back to his room. He did, but before the door was shut tightly he blew a kiss to Boromir. The Gondorian lunged towards the door, but was stopped by Legolas grabbing his cloak and yanking him back with surprising strength.  
  
"Will you stop it? Honestly," Jennifer scolded. Boromir apologized as she opened the door to her parents' room, which was very clean with everything in it's place. Turning to her visitors, she said, "One of you can sleep in here."  
  
The two Middle Earth dwellers locked glances, having a silent battle with their eyes. Can you guess who won? Yeah, Legolas did. Boromir sighed and waved a hand to let Legolas pass. The elf wouldn't upset the room at all. Her parents wouldn't even realize that someone had slept in their bed.  
  
"Righty. Goodnight, Legolas. Sleep tight," Jennifer said, walking down the hall to her brother's closed room. She grasped the doorknob and turned, but the door didn't open. She worked at this for a minute or two, with Boromir standing curiously by.  
  
"Problem?"  
  
She groaned dejectedly. "It's locked. I cannot believe he locked his door! Well, it's official, he don't trust me at all."  
  
"I could probably open it, you know," Boromir said, looking at the simple locking mechanism. "Quite easily, I'm willing to bet."  
  
Jennifer sighed, passing a hand over her eyes. "No, you can't. He'll find out, and he'll flay me alive."  
  
Boromir looked quite horrified at the comment, until she soothed his mind. "Well, he won't actually flay me, he'll just be really mad is all."  
  
The two stood in silence for a minute before Boromir spoke quietly. "I could always sleep with you." Jennifer's eyes grew wide as she turned to face him.  
  
"Excuse me? Ok, one, I'm not that kind of girl, and two, even if I was, I don't think you're a pedophile."  
  
Boromir chuckled and shook his head. "Trust me, I do not want to have sex with you, Jennifer. I'm merely suggesting that I could sleep in your room, with you." At Jennifer's dejected look at being told he didn't want to have sex with her (which he mistook for disgust at the whole idea), he added, "Or I could sleep downstairs. Either way, it would be a better bed than I've had in a very long time."  
  
"No, no. You can sleep with me. I've got a queen, there will be plenty of room," she replied. He smiled wide.  
  
"Thank you," he said, bowing low.  
  
They walked to her room and she grabbed some clothes out of her drawer. "Um, could you turn around while I change?" Jennifer asked shyly. He complied and she quickly slipped out of her old clothes into her PJs.  
  
"You can turn around now." Boromir did as the girl pulled back the covers. He took off all of his clothing except his pants and climbed into the bed. Jennifer had situated herself at the far left end, and he took the far right. There was an uncomfortable silence before Jennifer realized that the light was still on.  
  
"Boromir? Could you get the light? Just pull the chain with the dog on the end," she said quietly. The man did and settled back down in the complete darkness.  
  
"Goodnight, Jennifer."  
  
"Goodnight."  
  
*****  
  
Ok, I'm much much happier with this ending than the one I had. I promise the next chapter will have more action. I swear. Scout's honor! Even though it's been a while since I've been a girl scout....whatever. I'm about to start writing the next chapter right now. I hope you enjoyed this changed chapter. :-D 


	12. Let me go you brute!

A/N: Here's chapter 12. Everyone go re-read the end of chapter 11. I didn't like it, and I decided to change it. If you don't read it, this chapter won't make sense.  
  
I'd like to re-iterate that this will not be a romance. The things I put in here are merely to create some tension. But don't think sexual tension, because that's not what it is. Really. Thank you to any and all reviewers.  
  
I'm vair vair sorry for the long wait. School's been...well, school. And I've had some writer's block. But now it's summer, so I'll try to be betterer. XD  
  
Disclaimer: Yo poseo nada. (translation- I own nothing. At least, I think that's what it means....I've only taken spanish for a year)  
  
Recap: Boromir has found out about his father's death and the cause of Faramir's injuries, causing him to break a beer bottle in his hand and get shards of glass imbedded in his palm, and a cut above his eye. Jennifer has patched him up. Jack is in the guest room, Legolas is in Jennifer's parents' room, and Boromir and Jennifer are in the girl's bed.  
  
The morning came all to soon for Boromir and Jennifer. She awoke to a rough hand on her waist and a body pressed against her back. For a moment she smiled at the touch. Then she realized that the hand was not connected to her boyfriend, but rather to a large (albeit strikingly handsome) man that was back from the dead and didn't belong in her world. And that the chest she was pressed up against belonged to that same man.  
  
That was at the same time Boromir woke up to find a young girl in his arms. Back in Gondor this was not a new experience, but one glance around the room reminded him that he definitely was NOT in Gondor.  
  
The two parted so quickly that they both went flying off their respective edges of the bed. Jennifer had managed to take the sheets and comforter with her and ended up so tangled she couldn't tell up from down.  
  
Boromir landed on his skull with a loud thump. He rubbed his head as he walked over to Jennifer. The man unraveled the blankets and helped her up. He gave the girl a quick smile, which she returned, before blushing and running a hand through her hair.  
  
"Are you alright?" He asked. She nodded and tossed the covers onto the bed. Legolas came striding in, looking perfectly put together and fully dressed. It was a sharp contrast to Boromir, who was clad only in breeches and had some serious bed-head.  
  
"What was that noise?" the elf asked, raising an eyebrow. Jennifer yawned and walked out.  
  
"Just Boromir's head colliding with the floor. I'm going to the bathroom," she said, and left the room. Legolas gave his friend a curious glance, but the man just shrugged in reply. As Legolas grinned a large blue t-shirt flew into the room, hitting him in the face. Jennifer popped her head into the room.  
  
"Boromir, I suggest you wear that instead of all that heavy armor and stuff that you normally wear. Don't worry, it's clean. Here's one for you, Legolas," she said, tossing in a green one. The elf caught it and raised an eyebrow.  
  
"Thanks, Jennifer," Boromir said, quickly donning the shirt. Jennifer smiled and walked out. "Well then, put it on. Legolas, honestly, we don't have all day!" Boromir said exasperated. Legolas sighed and started to remove his weaponry, then his tunic/shirt/whatever the crap you wanna call it. He quickly put on the shirt, not used to the strange loose fit of it.  
  
"I think we should go wake up our little pirate friend about now, don't you?" Boromir said. An evil grin appeared on his face and he held up his sword. "What do you say, master elf?"  
  
As it turned out, Jack awoke rather unpleasantly as well. Imagine his displeasure at waking up to find a large sword and a white dagger pointed at his face, with his pistol and cutlass just out of reach.  
  
"Bloody 'ell!!" He yelled, sleepy eyes wide. The white blade was pulled away to reveal a haughty looking blonde elf, and the sword revealed its disheveled looking owner with a big smile on his face.  
  
"Good morning, Master Sparrow. Sleep well?" Boromir asked, sheathing his sword. Jack sat up, breathing hard. He put his hand across his heart in an attempt to slow it down.  
  
"Boromir, I believe we've scared the poor man. Perhaps he needs some time to recover?" Legolas said, a smile forming on his fair face. Jack threw the sheets off and stood up.  
  
"I need nothin' of the sort. Yeh just surprised me, that's all," he said, snatching his shirt off the bedside table. He quickly put it on, managing to still glare at the two intruders while he did so.  
  
The other two laughed, and continued to do so until Jack aimed his pistol at Boromir's head. "Do yeh really think it was that funny, mate?" He cocked the gun and the other man gulped. "Is it funny now?"  
  
It was then that Jennifer walked in. "Jack Sparrow!" She yelled, hands on her hips.  
  
Through clenched teeth, he replied, "Captain, CAPTAIN Jack Sparrow." He uncocked his gun and put it away.  
  
"What the hell is wrong with you guys? Can you please just get along, for my sake? Please?" Jennifer said, stepping between the men. Jack gave a small apology, and Boromir nodded his head.  
  
"Now, do you guys want some breakfast or what? Because I'm starving," the girl said, holding her hands to her stomach. Boromir turned to Legolas and raised an eyebrow.  
  
"Any of that Lembas bread left?" he asked. The elf nodded and began removing some of the Elvish waybread from his pack when Jack spoke up.  
  
"Lembas? What the bloody 'ell in Lembas?" He asked. Legolas handed him one of the loaf things, still wrapped in the Elven leaves. Jack unwrapped it and took a tentative bite. He decided it tasted good, and soon had swallowed all of the bread after taking a huge bite that made it look like he jaw had unhinged. Boromir's mouth dropped open and Jennifer winced, but Legolas looked merely curious to see what would happen.  
  
"That's some good food, righ' there," Jack commented, cleaning his teeth with his tounge. He let out an almighty belch and patted his stomach. "Right then. All I need now is a drink..." he winked at Jennifer, who just stared wide-eyed at him. Jack walked out of the room and down the stairs.  
  
Jennifer whipped around to look at the grinning elf. "Wait a minute. I thought that one bite was enough to fill the stomach of a full grown man!"  
  
"It is."  
  
"Then won't his stomach be exploding any minute now?" She asked, getting panicky. Boromir shrugged.  
  
"That seems to be the next logical step in the process." Legolas nodded in agreement. Jennifer stared at them, and was about to say something when a loud yell could be heard coming from downstairs.  
  
Her eyes narrowed to glare at the two before rushing down the stairs. But, to her surprise, Jack wasn't lying on the ground with an bursting stomach, but rather picking at his foot. She sighed and walked over to him.  
  
"What happened?"  
  
"Stepped on a piece of glass. It hurt," he replied, holding up a tiny sliver of colored glass from the bottle last night.  
  
From the top of the stairs, Boromir called out, "So that is your excuse for such a feminine scream? At least 10 pieces were imbedded in my hand last night and I didn't make a sound."  
  
"Come down here and meet my pistol. Then we'll see if you make a sound!" Jack growled in reply. The Gondorian was about to say something when Jennifer stood up.  
  
"That's IT! I've had it with all of your god-damned macho fighting shit! You're driving me insane!" She yelled, looking quickly back from the top of the stairs to Jack. "I'm under a lot of stress right now, and if you guys don't take a FORKING CHILL PILL, I'll give you all a meeting with Jack's pistol! That clear?" She asked, breathing hard.  
  
There was a very empty silence before they muttered "yes". Jennifer, trying to catch her breath, said, "What was that? I didn't hear you!"  
  
"I'm sorry Jennifer," Boromir said, walking down the stairs. Legolas followed him. "As am I. We've been a great burden. We should control ourselves more."  
  
She murmered something along the lines of 'no-shit' before she turned on Jack. "Well? Have you got anything to say for yourself?"  
  
He stood up and nodded. "Sorry. It won't happen again."  
  
Jennifer sighed and massaged her forehead. "Good. Now, everyone over here. C'mon now, quickly." The two men and elf moved toward her cautiously, until they were standing in a small circle. "Put down your weapons. Go on, take them off." They did.  
  
"Group hug," she said, extending her arms. All three of the males raised their eyebrows(Legolas's being the most pronounced, with his super muscle control and everything).  
  
"Pardon?"  
  
Jennifer rolled her eyes. "I thought I said no more macho crap." Boromir shrugged and went in for the hug. Legolas soon followed, and Jack finally consented, lightly wrapping his arms around the three other people.  
  
Jennifer relaxed into the hugs of Boromir and Legolas and closed her eyes. And because of that, she didn't see Boromir looking from her, to Legolas, and to Jack. He raised an eyebrow at them and cocked his head toward the pool. Jack grinned widly, and Legolas nodded his head. Boromir mouthed 'one, two, three' and on three, the men lifted up Jennifer fairly high into the air and started walking.  
  
"Whoa! Hey, what the crap? Put me down," she exclaimed, trying to wriggle out of their grasp.  
  
"No."  
  
"Ok, this isn't funny you guys, now would you just-hey, hey, why are you heading for the pool? Don't touch that door! No! Dammit, Boromir, let me go, you brute! Oh, oh no... I swear to god, if you jump in that pool I'll -- "  
  
SPLASH!  
  
And now all four of them were soaking wet in their clothes, in the deep end of Jennifer's pool. She finally was released and kicked against Jack's thigh, sending her up and him down.  
  
"ARG! Oh my god, I'll kill you all...whose idea was this...grown men...honestly..." she sputtered, pulling herself up onto the edge. Boromir's head popped above the water about 2 feet from her, a wide grin spread across his face. Before Jennifer could say anything, Jack and Legolas had appeared next to him, both grinning in a similar way.  
  
"You stay away from me. I swear, Boromir, you'll be so dead...again...if you pull me in."  
  
"Pull you in? I wouldn't dream of it. I'm hurt that you would think such a thing, milady," the man said with a phony look of hurt. She couldn't help but laugh at the look in his face. But while she was off her guard, Jack took the opportunity to dive under the water and grab her ankles, yank down and send her into the water again.  
  
Unfortunately, she had still been laughing when he pulled her under. Therefore she breathed in water, which as anyone who has ever done that knows, hurts like a monkey on crack. So she was now under the water, sucking water into her lungs, trying to get to the top. Legolas grabbed her arm just as she went limp and pulled her to the shallow end. She was still unconscious and Boromir heaved her out of the pool.  
  
"What have you done, Sparrow?"  
  
"Relax, I can fix it," Jack replied cooly. He laid her on her back and started doing a CPR-style revival, though it wasn't exactly that since he had never gotten official CPR training or anything like that. Anyway.  
  
After a short time with Boromir pacing, Legolas talking quickly in Elvish, and Jack doing his psuedo-CPR, Jennifer started coughing up water. She sat up with the help of Legolas and Jack.  
  
As soon as she regained talking ability, she said, "What the hell, Jack?" and punched him in the chest. The solarplexes, to be exact. The wind was knocked out of him and he fell backwards.  
  
"Sorry."  
  
Ok, so I think I'm going to end it here. I'll try to post most regularly, but I'll be leaving for 3 weeks in june, so....ya know. Anyway, don't forget to review!!! 


	13. Fluffy Yellow Towels

A/N: YAY for updating! I've been struck with another idea. Thank you to everyone who has reviewed. Jamie, you have to call me because I don't have your number! PoA was super awesome. And I totally caught your line, and started giggling. And there's no E.  
  
Recap- Boromir, Jack, and Legolas have just proceeded to drop Jennifer in her pool. Jack pulled her under, she swallowed water and fell unconscious. Jack fixed her, and Jennifer then punched him.  
  
Just as Jack was getting back up, the front door opened. David walked in, being held up by his girlfriend Kelly.  
  
"Jennifer? You here?" she called, setting her boyfriend on the couch. Jennifer glared at the men by her and told them to stay where they were. She wrung out her clothes as best she could while still wearing them and walked in the house.  
  
"Yeah, I'm here. Whoa, what happened to him?" She asked, rushing to her brother. He had a large black eye and a bloody nose. Kelly walked into the kitchen and returned with a bowl and some wet paper towels.  
  
"He got in a fight with some dude at the bar last night. I was going to bring him back then, but I figured you would be asleep," Kelly answered, dabbing David's face with the paper towels. He groaned a little and winced.  
  
Jennifer shook her head, sending water droplets all over Kelly. The latter raised an eyebrow. "Swimming in your clothes? You have plenty of suits, Jennifer."  
  
"Long story. It's best not to ask."  
  
"I find that's a good idea with your family most of the time."  
  
Jennifer and Kelly decided it would be best to get David up the stairs and into his room to sleep. Because Jennifer didn't want to expose her houseguests, the two women had to lug the 6'5" man up the stairs by themselves. They finally got him to the top and set him down on his bed.  
  
"He'll be ok later today. I'm sure. Will you call me when he wakes up?" Kelly asked as they walked out and closed the door. Jennifer nodded.  
  
"Don't worry about it. He'll be fine. I might not even tell mom and dad," she replied, grinning. Kelly laughed and walked down the stairs.  
  
"See you later," she said, exiting the house. Jennifer waved, made sure she was gone, and walked back out to the pool. The three men were waiting expectantly.  
  
"Who was that?"  
  
"My brother's girlfriend."  
  
"You have a brother?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"I didn't know that."  
  
"Yeah, well, there's a lot of stuff you don't know," Jennifer said irritably. "Now come inside, I need to get you all dry clothes." She led them through a different door into the laundry room and proceeded to tell them all to strip.  
  
"Excuse me?" Legolas said, his brows furrowing.  
  
"Couldn't we just wait here until you get the clothes?" Boromir suggested. "We wouldn't mind wai--"  
  
He stopped speaking when he looked around to see Jack Sparrow standing there, stark naked, holding his wet clothes in his hands. Jennifer's eyes bugged out and she turned around fast.  
  
"Dude! I didn't mean take off your underwear too! Just your pants and shirts. Here, put this on," Jennifer said, throwing a fluffy yellow towel over her shoulder at him. "Are you covered up now?"  
  
"Yeah, yeah."  
  
Jennifer turned around cautiously to see him still holding his clothes in his hands, but with the towel secured firmly around his waist. Legolas was looking disgusted and Boromir was shaking his head.  
  
"How dare you go naked in front of a lady!" Boromir scolded.  
  
Jack rolled his eyes. "It's not like she didn't enjoy it."  
  
Jennifer turned very red and looked at her feet. "That's beside the point. Legolas, Boromir, you two also need to take off your clothes."  
  
Legolas nodded. "Do you have any more towels?" She nodded and tossed them both fluffy yellow towels to match the one Jack had. She turned around quickly and soon all three of them were wearing towels and holding their clothes in their hands. Boromir gave her the ok to turned around.  
  
"Righty-o. Hand me your clothes, you guys...I've got to figure out how to wash them. You can go hang out in the living room, I guess," she said, taking the garments and tossing them all onto the top of the washing machine.  
  
Just as Legolas closed the door to the laundry room and walked over to the couch, feeling very uncomfortable in only a towel, there was a loud thunk that came from the top of the stairs.  
  
The men all whipped around to see a big black something rolling down the staircase. The grabbed their weapons that they had discarded for the group hug. When the rolling mass reached the bottom and unfurled, the realized that it was a man wearing block robes. He stood up, revealing himself to be quite tall, rubbed his chest as if he had been struck there, and looked around.  
  
"What the fuck...?" He said, scratching his head. It was then that he saw the three men standing there, holding their rather menacing looking weapons. His eyes narrowed and he held up a long thin stick of wood.  
  
Boromir laughed. "Are we supposed to be afraid of that little piece of wood?" He said, holding his sword up high. The man smirked and said something under his breath. Before Boromir knew what was going on, he was hanging upside-down with his sword far away from him, trying desperately to keep his towel up.  
  
Legolas and Jack were too stunned to react. The man in black walked up to Boromir's frightened face, grinning wildly.  
  
"To answer your question, yes. You are supposed to be afraid of it."  
  
Jack gulped. "Who are you?" He asked, backing away. The man pointed his stick at him for a moment, making Jack nearly piss himself, before pointing it at Boromir again. The latter's eyes got very wide until he was flipped back over again and landed on his arse.  
  
The man pocketed the stick and smiled. "I'm Sirius Black."  
  
"Right. And what was that you just used to turn him over? It was like magic," Jack added.  
  
Legolas shook his head. "Not like any magic I know, and I am an elf."  
  
Sirius raised an eyebrow. "An elf? I've never seen such a pretty boy looking elf. Especially one wearing such a fluffy yellow towel. And it's a wand."  
  
Just as Sirius went to pull it back out again, Jennifer walked in holding a laundry basket full of t-shirts. "Ok, the shirts are dry, but you guys' pants will take a while to dry out. Alri-" She stopped dead in her tracks when she saw the tall gorgeous man in front of her.  
  
He grinned and looked her over. "Oh good, a woman."  
  
Jennifer's mouth dropped open as she took in the wand, the attire and the general look of the man. This is Sirius Black...she thought. "Holy. Fuck."  
  
MUA HA! I know I said I wouldn't put anyone else in, but I need some way to get all the people out of Jennifer's house. Ergo, Sirius. And this isn't Gary Oldman Sirius, because as much as I liked him, he was the physicality at all I imagined for Sirius.  
  
Read and Review! 


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